Ethics of Living Life to Its Full

measuring civilization : quantity or quality

2012-01-28T05:43:00.003+08:00

i just watched a video by a girl, who lost her eyes because when she was 1 year old, she got cancer so the doctor put her in radiotherapy

its just...medicine has become SOOOOO advanced...that even someone who already tremendously injured like that can lead her life until now...happily..or not happy..that is other case.

i mean, imagine if that baby was born on 200 years before,,will she be able to see this world?

what i want to say is......we all are afraid to die and leave this world because from time to time, human being have been decorating this world with too much happiness and colour, that people refused to leave it,,and more people invent lots of devices, techniques, drugs, specialties so that we can extend the age of human being living in this world.

its like, we are running from the reality that one day, all of us have to die.

not that i said that, the advanced technology in medicine and allz is not good. it is good, superb and wonderful. this is what they said, the explode of knowledge,,the stimulation of brain..the prove that human brain, if treated nicely, if stimulated in right way, can bring such a big impact in human life.

but somehow, sometimes, in order to save as many live as we can, we forgot about the quality..we always see everything in qualitative manner. country with the most population win, country with most money win, country with most people running healthly win.country with more people living until 100 years old win.

but how about their happiness? their quality of life? the spiritual development? the soul? we always neglect the soul when thinking about the term, 'development'. why isnt there any devices or at least extensive of organisation to improve moral of the human being. until theres lots of people trying to jump off the bridge due to ultimate moral deprivation and love, maybe.

but somehow, i still cannot resist of my awes seeing the super modern western civilisation where theres just so many medical technology, thinkers, researchers, surgeons, radiotherapist, the MRI, and whatever gigantic machines they got there in the operating theatre...,,the explosion of knowledge i must say, is incredible that you just cannot believe yourself how a person can actually think to invent such a huge, complex device in medicine. this is definitely the peak.

2012-01-27T10:51:00.003+08:00

hellooooooo.

ive been watching junior doctors. bahahahaha.

this thing soooo getting me ridiculously EXCITED TO THE MAXIMUM to become a doctor.

I CANNOT WAIT TO BECOME A DOCTOR!!!!

i cant wait to go to hospital.

remembering back how did i manage to talk to doctor in my first sem, i feel so stupid.

you know what..in the anat lab....the doctor asked me...what is this bone??

i didnt made any effort to think at all..i just answer,,i dont know.

he asked me 4 questions....and all of it, i answer with, IM NOT SURE, I DONT KNOW or just sengih macam kerang busuk.

bblalalahhahahahaaaaaa.

im such an idiot, lazy student, he must thought of me.

healthier life!

2012-01-26T00:55:00.003+08:00

wow.

alhamdulillah! ahahahaha

today!!!! i have a good news for everyone.

i run for 30 minutes, NONSTOP at speed 8km/h. okay if you think thats normal, for me its not. and total calory burned 300kcal in 30 minutes. that is obviously new record for me.

i mean, usually, i only run for 10 minutes, then i slow down the speed to 5km/h. but now, IVE MANAGED TO TOTALLY focus on my inner strength. LOL. i sound like a sufi here.

i really wonder how the sufi people can step on the water. there must be a secret lying in there. something that they do!

next time, my goal is to run straight for 1 hour at average speed 8km/h. 8.5 is too fast lol i cant keep up with my heart beat.

this is new year. its 2012~~~!! my new resolution is to lead a more healthier life.

sooo....

this is my new eating regime.

i can only eat chicken, 4 times per month. and 6 eggs per month

other than that, i can only eat fish.

and i can only cook them with plain soup.

and, i can only eat rice 5 times a week. i need to eat more wholemeal bread in replace to rice.

and 4 hours work out in gym per week (it kinda hard at this time since my time table is completely full from 9-5pm..so i guess i will collect that 4 hours at the weekend)

yeap.

less cholestrol!!! TOWARD A HEALTHY LIFE!!!

4 DAYS till uni will reopen. omg. im so scared.

2012-01-25T19:43:00.002+08:00

do you like living in a fairy tale?

me? i dont. i think fairy tale is so stupid, and idiot.

oh crap. this must be because i ate too much yesterday.

lol. ok i tell you the story. yesterday, my senior invited me to their house. i was purposely coming late because i want to avoid the eating part. you see, my senior cook all those delicious food.

its just, i reallyyyyy dont want to put too much food in my stomach. my stomach, you see, hes been working like...20 years!!! i want my stomach not to work too hard everyday.

then i linger around and play some laptop..talk to my chinese friends...watch movie....we were suppossed to be there at 8. then, i come at around 9 something. when i come, THEY STILL HAVENT EAT YET!!!!!

ohhhhhhhhh nooooo. NASI KERABU!!!

it is so yummmmmmmmmmmmy.

i feel like living in heaven. but temporary heaven.

then, the next day, they told me to talk about spain. i really dont want to talk about spain.

because spain is like.........heaven for me.

i just dont want to stir up back the memory in spain, how i long to be there.

its just so nonsense, ridiculous.

im going to bristol and london tomorrow.

my stomach didnt feel good. maybe because i ate nasi goreng just now. usually i just have one cup of milk in morning. my senior had been feeding me with too much food. gahaha. not that its bad. its just, i want to train myself living with less food around me.

this evening, my friend and i are going to go rowing. but really, with my stomach feel like shit, how can i row the freaking canoe??

HOW DO I DO THAT!!!!!!!

but i love rowing.

evil qualities in human

2012-01-24T19:52:00.003+08:00

have you heard that, if you love something too much in this world...

if you love someone too much,

if you become attached too much to anything in this world,,

for let say, your car..

then that car in the next world will be a monster, or a snake with 9 head

that will eat you alive.

when death has stripped him of his sense and left him nothing but his bare personality, if while on earth he has too closely attached himself to objects perceived by the senses,such as wives,children,wealth,lands,slaves male and female, he must necessarily suffer when bereft of those objects.

the pain in which souls suffer after death all have their sourve in excessive love of the world. the prophet said, every unbeliever after death will be tormented by 99 snakes each having nine heads.

this snakes is his own evil qualities symbolised such as jealousy,hatred,hypocrite,pride,penipu, bongkak blabla..

(all this i took from imam gazali book. if u dont want to believe, im not responsible for your grave)

you see in rukun iman one of them is to believe in the life after death.

how far is your believe in all this?

muqaddimah

2012-01-24T07:20:00.004+08:00

ive just finished reading the volume I of muqaddimah by ibn khaldun. you expecting me to say this? haha. i will share with you some of the basic contents okay!

firstly, i want to express how amazed i am that he can write such a broad topics in a very deep specialty. i really look forward to the day, that i can write and produce my own books, and people in the future will read my books. oh i must decide first what kind of book i want to write. i think im very interested in philosophy, and science. yeah, maybe will write things about cancer, microorganism and how it can wipe out all human population in one day.

its superb isnt it. how strong the nation is, they can be wipe out easily, in matter of second, they can be comatosed by a 1 nanometer microorganis.

ok well im here not to talk about microorganism. ive long leave out the science behind and my mind is dwindling around history. im a historian now!! until 1 week, im a historian, then im back to that nerdy girl, who spend most of her time memorizing nerve, muscles and bones.

so in volume I, ibn khaldun mostly talk about nation, royal authority and the importance of group feeling for a surviving dynasty.

he said that a dynasty has its individual life span exactly like human being. one person may live up to 70 years. but dynasty usually will last only around 100 years and then it will approach its senility. this is a definitely something new for me.

you see, great britain is such a big empire. they conquered all the new world, africa, india, and even malaysia! in their conquest to find more money,gold and power for their empire. but now? look at UK, only a proportion of island...which already divided to northern ireland, scotland and england. last time, northern ireland asked for separation from the UK to be independent nation. and also glasgow is predicted to ask the same thing. the last time we know, great britain will only consists of london streched to only half of the island only instead of dominating the whole island. they thought that sun will never set, but sun always set! it is something that everyone must admit, that, however glorious our youth, our younghood, how we rock the party at night in our youth 20an, we will eventually approach our senility, and that is the same with a dynasty!!!! exactly the same.

see how glorious byzantine empire once upon a time. they ruled the world. they were feared by every single soul in this world. people running from them. then, when barbarians came to hunt people, they were scared to death. and lastly, ottoman empire finished their life span in a matter of 53 days. a 1200 years empire, GONE. thats the same goes to ottoman empire. but well, still, congratz to ottoman people as they, at least, managed to maintain their empire until 19 century. that is a long time. 13-19..around 600 years. okay lets give them some applaud.

fine you might think, atiqah! why u always talk about civilization in the middle east and europe? why not talk about asia. hurm. okay lets talk about malaysia. i dont know a lot about malaysia actually, because well, its not really interesting. the people living in malaysia is not really the real tribe origin from here. admit it, people in malaysia usually are mixture of genetics from indon, china, india and everything. theres just too much of mixture so i dont know how and where to start. do i talk about china tribe coming to malaysia? or india? or indon? well, even i didnt really sure where is my exact origin. people said, i dont really look like malay, like true malay (what true malay look like anyway? like org asli eh). i have fairer skin, and brown eyes, and such a penyet hidung. fair skin might come from arab. brown eyes might come from indon(wherever it is). hidung penyet might come from china. SO WHERE DO EXACTLY i come from? i dont know. i will just happy to say, i got some proportion of chinese genetic in my body.

plus, malaysian people are not so brave like people in middle east and west. this might be to their nature, of being too polite and obedient to sultan no matter what happen. this cause so much docility and meekness in the individual and not so much uprise and conquer thing. so, no story to talk.

so now, in the book, he said, people leaving in dessert, with scarce food is healthier than people leave in hill where theres lots of food. great amount of food and moisture it contains generate pernicious superfluous matters in body, which in turn produce disproportionate widening f the body, as well as many corrupt, putrid humors. this result in pale complexion and ugly figure because that person has too much flesh.

-when moisture and its evils vapors ascends to brain,mind and ability to think are dulled. this results in stupidity,carelessness and general intemperance. influence of abundance of food also is very apparent in religion and divine worship

this is the reason why it is very important for all of us to really look on what we actually put in our body. dont just put lots of food in there to satisfy our endless lust. this spirit must be disciplined. adding more food will just further spoilt the souls, and more, the consequences will be to the body to suffer. once the soul get used to something, it becomes part of its make up and nature.if through gradual training it has become used to hunger, hunger becomes natural to soul. hunger influence the body in that it keeps it free from corrupt superfluous and mixed fluids that destroy body and intellect.

and then, ibn khaldun talks about souls

-he said, human soul cannot be seen, but its influence is evident in body. it is as if all body's parts were organs of soul and its powers.

chapter 2; arabs exist by natural necessity.

in this book, you will see that ibn khaldun talk mostly about arab nation. that is not something weird coz hes an arab himself. -.-

he said, sedentary conditions are secondary to dessert.dessert people are more courageous than sedentary people because everyday they had to provide their own defence and not rely on other people to look upon their house, and family. but sedentary people rely on police and goverment to look upon their things.

''man is a child of the customs and the things he has become used to. he is not the product of his natural disposition and temperament''

-the reliance of sedentary people upon laws destroy their fortitude and power of resistance. because those who rely on laws and are dominated by them from very beginning of their education and instruction in crafts, science and religious matters are deprived of much of their own fortitude. they can even scarcely defend themselves at all against hostile action. but, this must be noted that, religious law do not destroy fortitude, because their restraining influence is something inherent.

-injustice is human characteristic. if you find a moral man, there is some reason why he is not unjust

in quran, allah said, ''we led him alon ghte 2 paths'' and ''and inspired the soul with its wickedness as well as its fear to God''. rasulluah once said, ''learn as much of your pedigree as is necessary to establish your ties of blood relationship''

-prestige last at best four generation in one lineage. for example, see the lineage of nabi ibrahim.

first generation -the builder

second generation - one who has personal contact with the builder

third generation - one who relies on tradition

fourth generation -destroyer

-savage nations are better able to achieve superiority than others.

for example, see the dumb animals like gazelles, cows and donkey. they are very used to the human law. they cease to be wild as result of contact with human beings, life of abundance, hence hteir vigour and violence undergone change and they cant even stand up for their own, or they want to run away from human for their life.

in quran, allah said, ''if god did not keep human being apart, earth would perish''

dan kalau allah tidak melindungi sebahagian manusia dengan sebahagian yang lain, niscaya rosaklah muka bumi ni''

so now we move to the topic of group feelings which consume about half of the things he said in his book.maybe more than half.

what group feeling means: group feeling produces ability to defend oneself, to offer position, to protect onself and to press one's claims. whoever loses his group feeling is too weak to do any of these things

-group feeling makes it possible for dynasty to become established and protected from beginning

-group that has lost control of its own affairs thus continues to weaken and disintegrate until it perishes.do you ever wonder, why theres such a super beautiful palace like alhambra, or like the qayrawan in iraq, or the arts and beautiful mosque in turky? because their sultan were willing to pay such super high price for the labor. when labor is not appreciated and is done for nithing, hope for profit vanishes and no productive work is done. sedentary population dispersed and civilization decay.

people who live under ruler of arab subjects live in as in state of anarchy without law.

-civilization always collapsed in places where the arabs took over and conquer eg yemen, persian, syria..as you can see how they are today..desert..and not prosperous at all compared to turki and spain.

-dynasty have natural life span like individuals.

first generation-tough, its members used to privation and share glory among each other. they are brave, rapacious, strength of group feeling preserved among them, they are very sharp and greatly feared, people submit to them.

second generation- prom privation to luxury and plenty. one man claims all glory for himself while others are too lazy to strive for glory. from proud superiority to humble subservience. group feeling already broken. but they have direct personal contact with first generation

third ge: completely forgotten, coward people, luxury reaches it peak, become dependent to dynasty like how women and children who need to be defended.

and then, toward the end of the book, he talked about caliphate, how to establish caliphate, the story of Ali, ibn zubayr and how they fight with each other, and lastly, about the pope, patriach and the origin of christian religion.

theres still volume II and volume III. but i think i will just read the volume III. =p coz my holiday will end in one week. -.- and with all my friends invitation for socializing, sleep over, and going out, i dont think i can finish reading lots of books in one week.

but i love his work, really. he explain everything in such a manner that its very easy to understand for the reader.

the meaning behind surah alfatihah

2012-01-22T14:07:00.002+08:00

hadis qudsi, rasulluah quoted God as saying that the fruits of prayer is equally shared between Me and My servant.

and My servant will be granted what he asks for.

as worshipper recites: alhamdulillahirobbil'alamin..Praise be to Godm the Lord of ll the worlds

Allah say: My servant has praised me

as he recites: 'The Compassionate, the Merciful

Allah say: My servant has thanked me

as he recites, Master of the day of judgement

allah said, my servant has glorified me

as he says, you alone do we worships, and You alone do we turn for help

Allah will say, this is between Me and My servant, and My servant will receive what he asks for

as he says; Guide us on the straight path, the path of those on whom You have bestowed Your favors, not those who have incurred Your earth, nor those who have gone astray

Allah will say, this is for My servant, and He will be granted his wish.

beautiful isn't it?

overall: history makes me thrilled

2012-01-21T13:04:00.003+08:00

after finished reading all this history, i feel so overwhelming. it is very hard to describe my feeling. i feel that i no longer living in the current, but i live in the past.

ohhhh Allah, please built for me palace like Alhambra in the heaven!!!!

i definitely going to increase my tahajjud,,,and quran recitation.

gosh, you tell me, who dont want to live in the alhambra?? such epic place!!!

okay so..if im in heaven, (which is ameeeeeeenn), this is what i want:

1)a palace for myself exactly like ALHAMBRA..and in my alhambra palace, theres lots of people and dayang2 in there serving me with fruits and gold and music..

2)a second palace look exactly like medina zahra

3)a pintu doraemon where i can enter any zaman i want..so i can witness all that happen in the past..the battle of hattin..the battle of badar, the baldwin king of jerusalem, the byzantine emperor, the sultan mehmet II, and everything!! i want to witness everything from A-Z

history of crusades and crescent part 2

2012-01-21T12:11:00.006+08:00

around 1402, at this time ottaman empire sangat lah successful and they were making lots of attempt to conquer the constantinapole. and there was this time, waktu ni, sultan mehmet I (not the fateh) ni tengah kepung constantinapole. he was so near to capture that city when suddenly, his territories all was invaded by mongols. mongols ni memang tengah menggila waktu tu. semua negara orang dia kacau.

mongols ni serang kawasan2 middle east, they were such a cruel people. when they take over country, they will kill everyone, including babies, children, women, and they cut the head of the men,,cut all of their head, and burnt it down. and once they take over city, they will eradicate all the power in the city by burning everything and kill everyone in the city. orang mongol ni la yang bakar semua buku2 tu and dia campak semua buku2 dalam library kat dalam sungai sampai sungai jadi hitam form the ink of the books. because they were just stupid and didnt know the value of knowledge. all they know is to feed their greed to conquest.

so mongolians ni waktu tu memang buatkan semua orang jadi bengong la. muslims world become so demoralized by their presence. so conquest2 ni semua comes to halt.

---the conquer of constatinapole-----

okay back to the story of sultan mehmed I tadi. so mongol datang and serang kawasan2 turki, so sultan mehmed ni terpaksa la batalkan kepungan constatinapole tu. and he got caught by the mongolians. the christian europe at that time were leaping to uber joy. LOL.

at that time, all muslim leaders had their mind to conquer the constatinapole.

sebab??

1)constatinapole ni byzantine punye empire. bandar ni diantara west europe dengan kawasan muslim territories. the thing is, tempat ni laaa yang membuatkan crusades selalu sangat serang kawasan muslims. sebab dia ada tengah2, so bila crusades sampai kat constantinapole, they can take lots of food, and weapons and supplies.... so its the reason why christian europe army keep attacking muslims territories. so now, muslims people were so freaking tired of all this war, and one way they can stop this is by taking the constatinapole.

2)by taking constatinapole they can extend and spread islam to the europe..sebab kalau nak pergi europe, memang confirm kene lalu jalan ni kalau ikut darat. so, its like a big block to their ambition to spread islam at the other side of the world.

3)sebab hadith nabi yang pernah cakap, siapa yg conquer constatinapole ni, best leader and best army.

so berlumba2 laa muslim leader nak conquer tempat tu.

constatinapole ni sangat22 kuat. sebab:

1)dia punya dinding pertahanan tebal, tinggi, dua lapit..senang cite, invincible! too hard to pin down the walls.

2)ade chains kat laut untuk sampai kat gulf tu...so the only way to penetrate constatinapole is by using the front side..which is the thick wall yang mustahil nak tembus tuh.

so sampai lah kat sultan murad (bapak si fateh). sultan murad try jugak nak conquer constatinapole, tapi tak dapat. so dia pun balik kat kingdom dia, and rasa down. so dia pun berazam nak jadikan anak dia sebagai orang yang akan bukak constatinapole tu, which is sultan mehmed II.

------------

the story of sultan mehmed II

lets call this mehmed II as fateh (easier for me to write lol)

from his childhood, his father already told him everyday and every time that he is the one whos going to conquer the constatinapole. fateh was not spoiled in the luxury life by the wealth of his father, the ruler of the ottoman empire at that time. murad (father of fateh) asked fateh everyday to prepare for his mission. he called lots of teachers from across the country to teach fateh knowledge in various fields of study. he knew 7 language including arabic and persians. he also memorized the whole quran when he was 8. he was surrounded by religious scholard, where one of them was syaikh aaq shams addin, who always reminded him about his mission to conquer constatinapole.

syeikh aaq was the main motivator in his life, and gives major influence in him. he always said, victory comes through patience and no one should be proud of their military capabilities and numbers.

syeikh aaq was a religious scholard and also a doctor who discovers the microbes and carry out lots of research about microbes. amazing isnt it?

so at 14, his father appointed him as the ruler of Manisa so that he learn to take responsibility form early.

at 1451, his father, sultan murad died. and the transfer of full power to sultan mehmed II when he was 22 years old.

as soon as he got the power, he began his plan to conquer the constatinapole.

some of his strategies:

1)he used lots of religious scholars to boost his army's morale and spiritual.

2)he forged number of alliaces with its neighbours to strengthen the financial and also the army. and also, so that none of the ngihbour will come to help byzantine empire during the siege of constantinapole. he also made alliance with all kingdoms surrounding the constatinapole and made lots of castle to trap the territories form receiving any help from outsiders.

he seized all cities along sea of Marmara and the Black Sea.

3)he build 400 warships and his soldiers amounted to 250k!! you must thing, omg, how come he got so many sodiers?

its because lots of them also were volunteers form other countries like egypt, syria, and other muslim coutnries. they all volunteer to join the expedition when they heard sultan mehmed II wants to conquer constatinapole.

4)they have a good technologically advanced weapon.

they got this huge cannons..they get it from one intelligent Hungarian gunfounders, who create such a big huge cannon.

so at 6/4/1453, the started to lay siege. it last for total of 53 days.

waktu ni byzantine emperor ni mintak tolong catholic church kat england and europe to help him, and they send only 4 warships and 700 volunteers soldiers. its because at that time, there was a tension between catholic and orthodox churc so theres not much help coming from the european church.

but when they tried to break the wall, all the attempts failed.

1) they tried to dig tunnel under the big wall at night, but this was heard by the byzantine army, so they pour boiling oil into the tunnel and killed ottoman army in there.

2)he used 3 story mobile wooden siege where its covered by animal skin to protect from fire, but also not success.

and then after lots of attacks with no avail, the muslims army become despaired. this is because the wall were too thick, and tall, and just impenetrable with addition of the byzantine army keep attacking them from above. its like a massive catstrophe.

so fateh realized that they would not success unless if his warships can enter the Golden Horn Gulf. but theres a big chain that prevent the warships to come through. so he came with idea to transport the ship over land.

doing this, he must go across the wall of the constatinapole, so they can only do this at night so byzantine empire wouldnt see them working. the distance was 3 miled. they build road in a short time, built by the oiled and greased log, they rolled the ships.

mehmed II tried to distract the byzantine attention by making false attempts to break through the underwater chain barrier. maybe die try bomb kan chain tu kot untuk tarik perhatian.

then, in the morning of april 22, the byzanine soldier were so schocked to discover more than 70 ottoman warships in the Gulf coming from nowhere. form here, they know that muslims army had able to penetrated their defence.

at this time, fateh told the emperor of byzantine to surrender the city and offered safe passage to him, his family and aides out of city wherever they want. but byzantine emperor turned down the offer and said, he will fight to his death.

then, diorang pon start serang balik banyak kali.

but this time, the byzantine army were not concentrated only at the front wall, but they also have to cover at the side where the warships keep attacking them also. now they were attacked by both sea and lands. so, soldiers dia lebih dispersed, and hence, lower down the defence.

at last, on 29 ay 1453, they managed to break through the wall through the kertokoporta door. and put the ottoman empire flag on the walls.

this marked the fall of the byzantine empire after 12 centuries established there. 1250 years!!! its not an easy task. before this, lots of muslims leadrs had been trying to attack the constatinapole but with no success. for example, umar abd aziz, ayyoub al ansari..and many more. this is the 30th attemp and they eventually succeed!

but certainly, this thing is not an easy task. in fact, some people might think its impossible due to such big walls surrounding the constatinapole.

the conquest of constatinapole came after period of social intertia and politicala military setback of muslims worlds due to negative conditions muslims sffered from lots of foreign attacks, contohnya macam perpetuating attack from crusades, mongols invasions which had killed thousand of people and destroyed lots of cities, and also the defeats suffered by muslims in anadalusia..

semua ni macam constant disaster yang menimpa muslims world waktu tu.

then, sultan mehmed II send the news to the ruler in egypt about the victory. at this time, muslims world was so overjoyed with the ottoman victory...

at alst, what rasulluah said in hadith that ''you who conquered the constatinapole are the best leader and the best army''.

waktu ni, memang satu penampa besar la kat christian europes and england punye church.

and tak lama lepas tu, barulah start the Renaisaance of Europe.

but still, the ottoman continue to prosper with wealth, gold and money until its fall on 29 october 1923......

where they leave behind such a tremendous wealth and you can see all that prove if you visit their palace and museum in istanbul.

such an epic story with superb ending. history realllllly reallllyyyy make my life more beautiful!!!!

you guys should read all of this. its like a movie!!!! but this time, its real. its happening. i want moreeeee of all this story!!!the fall of granada,, the crusadrs, the mongolians..its just....like something in movie...its super epic omg. one day, at akhirat, i want to ask Allah if He can rewind back all the history, if He can put me inside all the various timeline so i can watch it using my eyes...

oh..and in heaven (hope i will be there after my death.ameen), i want a castle like Granada for myself. wowwwwww!!! and also the medina zahra,,but this time, its not ruined. i want to walk along the fountain in medina zahra...and smell the flowers...and hear the chirps of the birds in the morning..and hear people playing nice andalus music..

waaaaaa. awesome. now got to read more quran and perform solat sunnah. i wantttt to live in palace of Granadaaaaa!! i want to meet richard lion heart!! and genghis khan!! and the emperor of china! and sultan mehmed II!!! i want to meet all this figures in history!!! i only read them in books, and documentary..and picture them in my head..i would really love to see them as a REAL PERSON!!!!

history of crusades and crescent part 1

2012-01-21T10:48:00.004+08:00

wow!!!

my eyes are open wide!!!

i cannot believe. after knowing all the history of what had happened for the past, i feel like how i can be so dumb living in this world without knowing such an awesome history like this?...2 centuries.....its just...TOO MANY knowledge to absorb!!! subhanallah!

okay well, you must be weird. what am i talking about.

okay in this post, i will talk about 1-3 crusades, and then i will talk about the conquest of constantinapole by sultan fateh! enjoy this brief history! its so fun!

--first crusade---

i will start from the first crusade on 1096. first crusade was launched by pope urban because at that time, muslims' territory were expanding too fast and begin to take the christian territories. so the christian pope was so furious and they launced holy war against muslims, which is the first crusade nih. the result?? diorg dapat ambil balik jerusalem dari muslims.

askar crusade ni datang dari europe...they were inspired by what their pope saying, that the city of jerusalem is the path that can bring them to heaven, and whoever pray there, can have the ultimate salvation of all their sins...so apelagi,,semua berlari2 laa nak join jadi crusaders.

so mule2 ramai laa yang ikut. tapi diorang ni jalan kaki, and naik kuda...so bile jalan dari europe nak sampai ke jerusalem tu,,,dah 3 tahun. askar diorang pun dah tinggal sikit.adala dalam 12000. mule2 askar diorang dalam 60k jugak. waktu tu seljuks from fatimids (egypt based) people yang control jerusalem.

panglima perang crusaders waktu tu name die godfrey, raymond and tancred. when they entered jerusalem, they killed everyone, not even a soul left..all children and women and men were killed like animals.. ...what a crazy people. i guess, they were so frustrated from such a super long journey and want to take revenge on people living in jerusalem..

oh name king of jerusalem waktu tu, baldwin

waktu ni, muslim world tengah berpecah2, bergaduh2. takde sape nak pimpin ambil balik jerusalem tu. tapi diorang terkejut la dengan masaccre dasyat sangat tu.

-second crusades-

then, the second crusade, waktu zengi berjaya ambil county of edessa...

the second crusade was announced by pope Eugene III,,and waktu tu europen king, loius pon sahut laa second crusades punye call tu. tapi louis ni otak lembap sikit bab2 military ni. so second crusades ni takde la success mane pon macam the first one.

waktu yang first crusades tu, waktu crusader on the way nak pergi jerusalem, diorang ada captured beberape city lain, principality of antioch, and county of edessa, dengan county of tripoli.

so zenji berjaya laa ambil the county of edessa. zenji ni mati tiba2 sebab kena bunuh dengan hamba dia. sebab zenji was kinda cruel man. so he was succeeded by his son, nur ad-Din. at this time, 'jihad' was announced to counterattact the crusades.

nur Addin ni hebat la orangnya. dia ni yang train si saladdin tu jadi warrior.kira dia ni cam sifu saladdin jugak la.

--third crusades.--

okay waktu ni, tentera saladdin (or salahuddin whatever you want to call him) waktu ni sangat besar. because after the death of nur ad din, saladdin gain lots of control of territories across egypt and syria.

significant thing to talk about is the battle of haittin. (kalau korang tengok kingdom of heaven, ha tu la battle of haittin). the reason of this battle was because, Guy of Lusignan, who became the king of Jerusalem after the death of Baldwin (from leprosy disease). so, Guy dengan Raynald ni memang benci la kat islam. diorang nak perang dengan orang islam. so nak cari alasan perang, dia pun pergi kacau caravans yang jalan lalu jerusalem tu on the way nak pegi haji. they captured them and breach the agreement they made with saladdin. reynald also thereatened to attack mecca.

waktu ni, salahuddin punya kuasa memang kuat la. all the cities surrounding the jerusalem at that time were under his control. so, bengang la saladdin ni sebab diorang carik pasal.

so saladdin gathered around 30k armies. crusaders punye army around 20k including 1200 knights. ada la jugak bowman semua. and the main reason why the army of the crusaders at that time were so eager, because they bring along the 'true cross'..kira benda ni memang sacred la. cross yang digunakan untuk salib nabi isa.

so, askar crusaders ni pun marched la untuk nak pergi tempat saladdin. lama2, diorang penat sebab lalu padang pasir, and there were no water to drink. so, saladdin punye army pun attack diorang. yang army crusaders ni sebok nak carik air, (air kat spring of hattin), but as they approach the spring, saladdin's soldier keep attacking them. saladdin pun curik the true cross.

and captured back the jerusalem.

then third crusades was launched, and the new crusade was under the command of Richard the Lionheart. there were lots of battles between saladdin's army and richard's, but most of the time won by richard. but at last, richard retreated back to England and decided not to pursue jerusalem at last. (maybe because they all already exhausted from too much war)

so after all these 3 crusades, there were no big attempt anymore to recaptured back the jerusalem.

2012-01-20T22:59:00.006+08:00

PERGHHHH!!!

giler ah

next sem, memang aku dah takde life langsong. bapak compact nak mati jadual..

im going to die from the super tiredness.

takotnyeeeeee

ohhh nooo. now im really freaknig out.

giler kowt jadual penohhh dari 9-5 setiap hari!!!

sekarang sumpah aku nak wat marathon house bejuta2 kali. sbb pasni mmg xtgk tv dah la langsong kan.

9-5 kelas. balik kelas, makan. then buat homework plus revision. pastu kol 1 tido. esok bangun balik kol 9, and resume jadual.

bile pulak mase aku nak gi bersosial?

superbbbbbbbbb!

2012-01-18T09:18:00.002+08:00

Hey everyone.im going to read dis book. In so hyper omg. Dis is superrrrrr UNBELIEVABLE!!!! I cant believe im going to read such a masterpiece from a legend dat i admired so much!!!! its IBN KHALDUN!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

excited

2012-01-18T05:16:00.004+08:00

ouchhh! oh no!!

im in a caffeine rehab now.

the feeling of...going to kitchen,,and boil the water,,and feel the coffee aromaaa...

ohhh no...even in my room,i can smell the coffee even if its not here. oh crap. is this how drug addict feel?? how come i can smell coffee when theres no coffee in my room? my eyes feel so heavy, and red, and bulgy. i want cofffffeeeeee

im having a super headache. but i must take control of myself!!

i cannot!!

i cannot be addicted to coffeee.! not at this time! i spent the whole day making video!

oh ive been browsing my module for next sem!! ahaha

now this is my going to be module:

1) med1016: anatomyical basis of clinical practice

2) physiological basis of clinical practice

3) clinical skills and experience

4) principle of disease and treatment

5) concept in people and population

6) SSC

7) professional and portfolio development

wow. that is so scary. last time, i only got 3 module tu pon cam cacat jer cam nak pengsan je belajar.

aduhhhh. betol ker aku nak jadi doktor ni. ni banyak gilerrr doh.

i didnt expect it to be this much.

GRRRRRR.

wonder if i will finish my study 5 years..it seems so hard.

alahaaaaaaai.

hah ni mesti punce sebab tak minum kopi nih.

kalau tak minom kopi mesti jadi cam ni doh.

hampeh punye kopi.

oh maybe shud replace coffee with drug. taknak lah. drug ni bahayekan kesihatan.

talking about gym, hurm, i shud start going to gym. the thing is, the weather is so crazy its freezing like crap i feel like dying everytime i step outside of my house. i just want to feel cozy in house. =.=.

but definitely have to go gym. this is my time!!!! next 2 week if i start my class,,,it will be buzy like crack!!

2012-01-16T02:17:00.004+08:00

im dead.

im so afraid im going to fail my spp module.

its crazy giler gilerrrrrr hard.

ive spent the past 3 days night and day studying for this. but just now, i look into the past paper,,and its like the past paper coming from MARSSSSSSSSSSSS

i dont know what to do anymore. my head feel so heavy as i just sleep 3 hours and a half everyday.

ive worked my best.

if i still fail this, screw the medicine. i will become my mum's driver instead.

or her bibik.

mampos ah.

susah giler nak mati.

I CANNNNNNOT ANSWER THE QUESTIONNNNNNN =((

why i enter medskul??

i want to be a bibikkkkk!!!!

dont have to study. can be wif family all the time. can swim whenever i want.

i dont want to do this anymore.

im sick of everything.

is this what i will have in return????

FAILLLL?!!!!

2012-01-15T04:36:00.006+08:00

i nak pesan kat adik i, yang ade intention nak jadi doktor.

takyah laaa.

carik la bende lain yg lagi best nak buat.

cikgu ker. ustazah ke. businessman ke.

lgi awesyem.

in fact, not only to my adik, but also to people out there, who are lazy (like me), and still want to do medicine.

if i have a second life, definitely not going to do this.

i just mesmerized by the creation of Allah, and want to learn more about it.

but this spp, u know what the crap they teach us? all about handwashing, about confidentiality, ethics bla bla. i know that all is important. but wth why do we have to talk about it for 2 hours?? it doesnt make sense at all to spend lots of time on this. well you can just put it into the module,but dont have to make any exam to fit in all this junkie. give me more synapse, more selectin,integrin, more cells to memorize, but this handwashing, statistics, this regulation and law??? spare me.

i dont even know all those junky stuff can be fit into 2 hours exam.

wonder what am i going to scriblle on the paper next monday.

oh man. this will definitely spoil my academic record.

=.=.

wanna cry. ive tried my best to try making it perfect. but one module, BECAUSE OF THIS FREAK MODULE,

sigh. i guess, i will just memorize every freaking single word in there, put it properly in the short term memory, put it on the exam paper, and let it out as soon as i get out from the exam hall.

this module shud be abolished. seriously.

any politician here to help me abolish this freak module?

2012-01-14T21:54:00.002+08:00

im dead with my spp.

okay now i am seriously worried about my caffeine intake.

in one tin of redull, theres 335ml,,and 32mg/100ml..that means, around 120mg of caffeine. and that is ONLY in one tin. usually, in amount of intense time, i might be consuming 4 full spoon of caffeine...i know.. i drink coffee like its a chocolate.

now i realized, coffee and caffeine is kinda dangerous for health. maximum daily amount shud be only around 300mg. (good..how can i even finish studying with 300mg?)

now i sound like a drug addict.

these are some harmful effect of caffeine.

general toxicity (e.g., muscle tremors, nausea, irritability)
cardiovascular effects (e.g., heart rate, cholesterol, blood pressure)
effects on calcium balance and bone health (e.g., bone density, risk of fractures)
behavioural effects in both adults and children (e.g., anxiety, mood changes, attentiveness)
potential links to cancer
effects on reproduction (e.g., male and female fertility, birth weight)

oh i am very worried about that fertility thingy. ahaks.

and the bone fracture. oh man. after the exam, i will stop drinking coffee. and go to gym and work out and drink LOTS of milk.

hello my body and health, please dont be so brittle and fractured. i need to study just little more. only caffeine can get me through all this material in 24 hours.

the story of the other side

2012-01-14T09:46:00.009+08:00

the sun shines bright,

the breezy air sweep over my oiled skin,

children running here and there for the ball during recess,

housewives seat over the bench to enjoy cup of coffee in the morning,

accompanied with the scenery of flowers and some chirping birds.

i was in what Allah depicts, beauty but fakeness.

in the other side,

the suns shines bright,

the breezy air sweep over their wounded, scratched face,

children running here and there for their lives,

housewives weep over those beloved dead bodies of husband,father,and the martyrs.

life is never about appreciating ever ticking of the clocks.

life is about, survival

life is about, continuity of life

life is about, running constantly, not knowing where is the end

they didnt have the oppoturnity to sip coffee in the morning,

nor they can send their children to school without any worries not seeing them again after school except for dead bodies..

they didnt have the oppoturnity to treasure the beauty of bricks, moutain, and river

nor they can breathe in the morning air with relinqush.

they didnt have the oppoturnity to update on facebook feed everyday,

nor they can connect to the other world as frequent as we can.

but still, for them, life is also about, knowing they are in the blessed holy land

they are the chosen one.

you might want to say,

well, they are proud of themselves,

they are just happy,

they are okay with their life, people get used to repetition.

those are their land, why it must bother me

they are not in any way related to me

then you are not just despiteful and inhumane but also selfish.

they are also human.

what is life when it hurts too much seeing blood everywhere

what is life when there is no one you can be very sure to meet them the next day,

what is life when house is just made by couple of bricks

what is life when anytime bomb will explode on your roof,

and tear apart everything you build for so long.in one blink.

what is life when love and affection are just expressed as a pray

instead of living together in harmony

what is life when you are denied against human right, tortured in your own land,

when the other part of the world, even a slap on the face can be sued in the court.

the heart bleed and never will be cured.

the eye cries and the end is nowhere to be seen.

the past keep screaming to the mother who lost her family.

time cannot heal the wounded heart.

it shall be there,

as the prove of the slaughter.

as the prove of the warriors.

i beg you to open your eyes wide.

i will depict you a story about nabi ibrahim.

when he was burned inside the big fire,

where not even 50 pails of water can extinguish the fire,

that the smoke turn the bright shiny day immediately to dark gloomy day,

that the ashes can cover 1km road ahead,

that the heat can be sensed by the people in the next town,

the only effort to pull out the fire was

when the little sparrow and couple of its friends carry the water inside their small beaks,

to pour it into the big fire,

without any regret, or complain from the heat nor from the tiredness.

the hornbills come and laughed by their side, ''why on earth are you doing this pointless activity. there is NO WAY you can put out that big fire? are you dreaming? or are you just plain stupid?''.

then the sparrow said, ''at least i do my own part. so when Allah ask me in the akhirat, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO HELP HIS PROPHET, i would have something to say. but you?''. so the sparrow continue doing its job.

and the fire extinguished.

sometimes we fail to realize, that Allah is the one who do everything. even without any help of the sparrow, the fire will be extinguished anyway. you help or you dont, Allah will do everything. the question is, did you contribute? what is our potential, our ability to HELP ourselves later when Allah ask. what have we done to contribute?

respect

2012-01-14T06:26:00.004+08:00

i dont know why but now, i prefer to write in my twitter more.

but well, advantage of blogging is, you can write whole paper while twitter only allow about 200 characters.

what i want to talk about today is, teamwork.

kita hidup kat dunia ni, bukannye sorang2. kita hidup dengan manusia2 lain dalam dunia ni. kalau Allah nak, boleh je Allah nak buat semua orang ade sorang satu dunia kecik sendiri. ha, duduk situ sorang2 sampai mati. tapi kenape tak camtu? because interaction between human is one that makes everything so unique, complex and systematic.

and lumrah laa bila dah hidup bersama2 tu..kadang2 banyak je laa benda yang kita berselisih faham. tak puas hati sesame sendiri.

that was life is about. the most important thing is how do we find solution for that misunderstanding. how do we bring everyone in the same plate with us. how hard is it is not a question or anything. the highlight is, to solve the problem with everyone involve to find the solution.

regarding the incident about some people who got beaten up by police, i didnt do lots of reading about this. but i was watching youtube, when i came across one comment who said, ''aku rasa lebih baik arg dia berjuang dan bersuara apa yg dia rasa perlu berbanding dgn pelajar yang asyik study (tapi untuk exam sahaja) , enjoy,. korang ingat kerajaan nak dengar ke suara korang kalau setakat kat fb (mcm afdlin shauki cakap) atau kat newspaper? hah! minta maap''

you see, he has obviously, underestimate the importance of some people, who sit there and learn.

even in quran theres a verse saying, ''some of you who go to war fight for Allah, and some of you who sit back, study, seek knowledge''.

we are just human being. we complete each other.

kalau sume orang nak berpolitik, tutup je la hospital, lab chemistry study tikus, engineering facility, bukak sekolah leadership ke, sekolah training nk jd leader umno.now sume boleh berpolitik.

if some people just sit there studying, it doesnt mean they are stupid, ignorance or anything. they are just doing their part.

well, kalau orang politik sakit pon, bukannye carik another politician. =.=

have some respect.

burpday

2012-01-14T03:03:00.006+08:00

okay so its my birthday today.

im turning 21 years old.

i do feel so OLD.

but if u ask me, do i miss my teenagers time?

i must say, i have to firmly say, NOT AT ALL!!

i mean, well, teenagers are so fun, and full of new adventure and flood of emotions. pampered by parents. ahahaha.

but, this is great. i feel like, im living my life to the full. i have no regret at all. im happy like a rabbit.alhamdulillah! that is all from ALLAH! thank u Allah!!

alhamdulillah!!

today we had celebration my friends, my medic friends all celebrate my birthday at awesome restaurant.(kelvin,wilson,yi lin,siu li, christine, han jun, syahin, shahmi,abbas,ken) .and they belanje i makan and tengok movie. we watched ghost protocol. omgudness. the movie is so scary. damn scary weyhhhh. i feel like my heart da nak pecah da tengok cite tu. i mean, they are soo good in acting i dont feel like watching actor,i feel like its real.

fuihhhh.

but still, a great day.

also, i got my CTO exam. and,,,alhamdulillah,,managed to answer it..=DDDDDDDD pergh bnyk giler senyuman. senyum smpi ke telinge la ni.

so,,,,,,if i didnt screw up my cto practical too much, i am expecting to get 90% for my cto, 90% for my gmp, and spp..and dont know yet. coz exam on monday.

if i also get 90% for my GMP, i must celebrate it with spending 5 hours in gym.

all 90%!!!!

pls pray for meeee.

and also, in my birthday today, sun shines SO BRIGHTLY!

there are total of 200 people who wish my birthday. well, i love it, because i know all of them. last year, i kinda get lots of besday wishes from stranger also..but this year,,nearly all are my friends...so awesome. next year, i think i want to hide my birthday in fb.

okay i better get back studying. so i can end my exam happily.

2012-01-13T06:52:00.000+08:00

I AM SUCH A LAZY BOMMMMM

2012-01-12T08:21:00.001+08:00

may you be a green body.
May you be a language
in which I wander
with my wings and my self.
Be the inspiration of my tongue,
so that I may pasture
the tribes of my voice - though they are silent.

Sleepless
and alone, I see
you will not be
a green body.
You were neither
a good master, to be bought,
nor the muse.
My longed for delirium, my memory.

travelling again?

2012-01-11T21:22:00.004+08:00

ok histology exam was over.

oh i dont feel good. really.

we got to decide a slide histology. and to define what is that slide coming from. i said, its from hand.

but all my friends said, its from male reproductive system. oh man. that is riduclously far from the answer.

how can i mistake HAND with something like ANUS?

and that we need to sit in one room for 1 hour before we can go out from the practical exam.

i spend all those time talking with my friends, well at first i talking to my irish friends,,sara, razan and emma..i was just going to tell them story about spain and exchange christmas holiday story when my chinese friend come beside me and told me to join their ''talking group'' instead....oh maybe next time i talk with my irish friends.. then we spent 1 hour cracking jokes and talk about how we screw the paper so badly.

they ask me to join them going holiday to paris after exam,just spend time together and snap pictures, which is around 21hb. oh man its so fun! they going to go there by eurochannel...where the train will go from under the sea!!! just for 69 pound!! oseeeem!!!

but its not that i dont want to join them.

1)i just came back from spain..and you know,,my bank condition isnt really that great.

2)plus they are those very rich people. all from private FAMA sponsored. all got that giant camera with GIANT variety of LENSES! so....man, i cant defeat their wealth. gahahaha. i mean, mesti bnyk gile spend nnt. u know la,, this kind of people wont be sleeping at cheap hostel 8 euro per day. that really going to suck money out of my bank further more.

3)ive talked to my irish friends about going to ski during this upcoming holiday. i really want to go ski. so yeah, i think skiing is much more fun than this!

4)i dont feel to go so far from uk. plus i want to go mainland, and london, and go cruise with my bestfriend!!

oraite thats the reason. but paris sounds awesome. maybe after i bought my own awesome dslr, i go paris,venice and everywhere in this world. i love traveling!!

my love story =)

2012-01-11T02:48:00.004+08:00

i love you

every day and night, i cried thinking about how we are being separated by the indefinite distance.

distance that separate us from meeting each other. everyday, i feel like im getting further and further from you. it is not that i didnt make any effort to fix this.

i love you.

but i not good enough for you.

i envy those people whos been living around you.

i envy those people who you love more than me.

i envy the fact that im so far.

i plead. i cried. i begged to you, so that i can secure a place like those people who you love.

i cried everyday, until i cannot open my eyes anymore. my eyes are sore and red. but my heart is worst, its unamendable anymore. my heart has already broken to pieces.its been cut to pieces. i went to the hospital, to get the doctor to cure my heart. but he said, ''this heart is already in its final stage. i cannot do anything about it a

nymore. im really sorry''

i gazed at the doctor and go home. i stare at the blank ceiling. i stare at the darkness realizing this is how my life will end. i didnt get your love, and also, ive lost my heart in my journey to get to you.

and then you said to me, ''i cant do anything if you dont change yourself''.

i said, ''what you want me to do?? ive tried to change! really, ive tried my best!!! but theres so many block and obstacle to push me toward the ''old me'' again! its so hard!''

he said to me,

breezy morning

2012-01-10T23:02:00.003+08:00

before i start my new post, has anyone read my fictional story? its such an awesome story! story depict whats inside the cell! oh you guyz (especially for those not in science streamline) must be annoyed at my blogpost because all of them about science,genes,molecules and DNA. no, im sorry. its just, im having exam now and spend 18hours of my 24 hours per day talking with DNA, trying to find connection with them. and now since ive found that connection, i must express it in my blog for all of your! i love gmp. but its already past. after this, medical school is just about bigger complex, about skeleton,muscle, something bigger. i will miss you my beloved DNA, till we meet again.

tomorrow we going to have histology practical exam. to be honestly speaking, HONESTLY, i feel so bad because i didnt study at all. i spent all day and night watch youtube. well, i watched shotgun histology on youtube, but its still youtubing! not studying. yes, i define study, by staring at the books or studying lecture notes for 10 hours nonstop. (exclude the facebook stop). my irish classmate give me message that they want to meet up at library for some discussion for the group work. at 1.30, i was on my way going to the library, without my ipod and any notes. i just want to enjoy the breeze walk in the afternoon, without any disruption. you know, hearing ipod, you cant really enjoy the scenery of what happening in belfast on afternoon, really. you only focus on the music,and other things become gloomy.i walked pass across the methodist belfst high school and just hear the teenagers laughing. there are boys and girls waiting in front of 2 double-story bus. they look like they going to high school trip or something. some are laughing, some making jokes, some just sing something to attract more attention.

and here where i came to realize, oh dear, i miss, i really miss my highschool time. the moment, when you dont have to think anything when you wake up except for what type of food to put inside your stomach. the time when in your mind, world is just perfectly beautiful as what it is, and theres lots of things to explore. world, is like heaven. theres lots of things you need to explore like travelling, adventure, friends, other cultures and love itself. and you really long for that. theres something you put deep corner in your mind that, someday, you want to explore everything. and when the time you have already explore that, you decided, well, this is not what i imagine.

but well, dont define your life by whatever you encounter. define it by how you react with what you encounter. this is something i learn that, life is never about fulfilling all your wants, and achieving more and more success so you can tick off the ''things-to-do-before-die'' list. it is about how you appreciate every second that past, every tick of your watch that ticked off and send that sound waves to your eardrum. God does not create us to fight,compete and everything. well, if you feel that you want to do that, go ahead no one going to stop you. but God creates us, so we will be just a good servant to Him. well, define good servant. you can be very prosperous businessman, dealing with clients and stockshare everyday. or you can be the bun seller in the morning, just gossipping with the neighbour, enjoying the breeze air and the sound of birds chirping. you can be anything you want. nobody going to be mad at you. you can shape your life to be very competitive, or you can deal with your life as being someone so compassionate and artistic.

okay i really sorry if my post do not make sense at all. do you get my point? what i want to say is, you can do whatever you want (as long as its within the law) and dont feel like you are forced by anybody. because the reason why Allah creates the muscle in your body, the brain in your body, and He give each one of us those set, because He wants us to decide what we want to do in your life, independently. not influenced by others. but if you want to decide that you want to be somebody because you are influenced by other people, go ahead. do it. this is your life. not mine. not your parents. not your teachers'.so? JUST DO IT!

my journey into human body.

2012-01-10T09:31:00.007+08:00

preliminary note: this is fictional essay that i write where the story is about, i become tiny, and enter human body. and the event on how become a criminal to them and got to run away from the police. i ust warn you, if you are not science-related student, i say, you should read other things like wikipedia, anything but not this.

i had my GMP exam this morning. gmp is gene,molecule and process.

i love it so much. i endure every second with happiness studying GMP. every second i spend with that 10 inch molecular biology book, is like living in heaven. theres whole lots of new idea, new concept and how i approach everything that ive learned from that hours of studying. one of them that i would like to share with you is, yes, the creation of human body. my goodness, i LOVE GMP so much. i love genes, molecules and cells so much!! i want to be shot by ''honey i shrunk the kids' weapon so i can get into someones body and go to his cells, swim through the plasma cell membrane. oh but no, the plasma membrane wont let me in. so i need to talk with the receptor cell to let me in! 'hello carrier protein, my name is atiqah, im a visitor from outside, i want to enter this cell so i can have a view of what my body look like in it molecular level!''. and the carrier protein will talk to me, ''oh so you are visitor from outsider?wait a minute''. without my knowledge, the carrier protein pick up his mobile phone and call the white blood cell circulating in the capillaries using the dial speed. ''hello! lymphocyte!! theres an outsider here in front of me, im a liver cells. you must hurry as she can run away and it will be hard for us to track her back again.''. the lymphocyte push the button alert in the gland producing antibody. he instruct his general, B lymphocyte, and activate it to produce more plasma cells and antibody which has specific binding site exactly fit me. when i was still strolling around in front of the cell membrane, i was wondering, what does it takes so long for carrier protein to let me in? it is not that hard. he just need to open the gate for me!. and then i heard something loud. oh its like something big coming for me. than i saw the smooth muscle around the endothelial cell moving slowly, and then vigorously. and endothelial cell contract. suddenly lymphocyte come out from the middle of endothelial cells. OMG!! i yelled to the carrier protein, ''hey you traitor! you called those lymphocyte right?! i said, i was just coming for a peace visit! not a war!!''. carrier protein said, sorry but we have very regulated security system. we dont allow stranger to come in. so realizing i have no chance, i tried to run away. but the antibody molecule has grabbed my leg fast. i tried to kick him. ''get away from me you asshole!''. i kick his covalent bond. i tried to separate the sulphide bond on his binding site. and tear them apart so they wont have that specific antigen binding site anymore. then, i give the strongest kick to his heavy domain chain and push him towards the moving ATPas molecular machine. he got blended by the activity of the ATPas machine. i was happy and i jump. YES! but then, when i look back, theres more and more antibody coming to me!! oh crap what i need to do right now?! i look right and left. i dont have lots of choice. theres that giant lymphocytes and lots of antibody coming to engulf me, to digest me in their lysosome. from what i study, lysosome will digest me using acid where he will destroy my delicate skins to 200 pieces, and then my body pieces will be scattered throughout the body and be used by cells for ATP synthesis as my body is made from amino acid. oh i cannot imagine myself being eaten by this monster cells, and be stored as a FAT in their adipocytes! i need to think a plan what to do!so realizing that if i swim fast, i can never defeat them because they definitely wim faster than me due to the action of actin filament lamellipodia and fillopodia while im just using my 2 legs. they will just catch me in a minute. so i decided that i have to the risk. theres no other ways to do. my plan is, im going to rummage through this phospholipid bilayer. i know, they wont let me in because i have same charge with them. but i will try. im strong. i can defeat those stupid phospholipid bilayer. they are so thin anyway. they only made up of several carbon chain while im made up from more complex system! so, 1...2...3...! broooom! i push aside the polar chain. he hit back my head while saying ''go away you cannot enter through this please use carrier protein instead''. then, i remember learning the taekwando in my old kyuem college, so i decided to give them a punch followed with double kick. blurfhhhhghhh! pangggg!! 2 phopholipid down!! off i go into the cell. when i see back again, hah, now im in safe position as the phospholipid gate already close. now that i have oppoturnity to see inside the cell, wow its so tremendous. theres keratin filament everywhere. the recptor protein, RTK, JAK-STAT, ras protein, selectin,integrin and many many more. i cannot believe i can actually see all this with my eye. before this i just see them from my biology book in a drawing. but this time its a 3D. as much as i want to enjoy the view, suddenly i realize that if i didnt do anything, the macrophage know that im inside here and they will eventually digest the whole cell. so i swim into the inside nucleus. and talk to the DNA sequence. ''hey, im really not a bad guy. i enter this body because i want to apply what i learn in my medical school in reality. i just want to learn thats all. but now, the lymphocyte,macrophage and its gang are coming to kill me, please help me DNA! i know you are so nice,kind, and smart! you can do lots of things!''. DNA said, ''well, yeah, i know. sometimes the white blood cell gang are so over-reacting to lots of things. even a slight debris they will kill it like how adolf hitler kill Jews. they are so evil,monster and cruel. but its for our society also. if they didnt do it, they will risk the body of having infection. i know your good intention, so i decided to help you.''. i am so happy DNA decided to help me. so we discuss our plan together. in our meeting, the secretary, DNA polymerase and RNA primer also were there to note down everything that we discuss. along in our meeting are several transcription factor, regulation proteins and mRNA who also contributing to the idea on how to let me escape to outside of this body to real life back again. they are so kind to me. they even serve me lots of ATP and water for the lunch (they take the water from the mitochondria product from the oxidative phosphorylation). oh not to forget, theres also a yummy dessert which is combination of GTP and nuclear lamins. i was so happy to be treated like a king in the cell. at last, after 3 hours of productive discussion, our plan is, the DNA will transcribe a new protein that will encode a ridiculuos protein that is not needed for the cell. they will try to transcribe lots of it. and when they secrete the foreign protein out of the cell, white blood cell will be stimulated to target that protein instead. so hopefully, they will be very busy chasing the protein, and forgot my existence. in order to do that, they need to create a very sophisticated protein that can move very very fast along the extracellular matrix and move faster than all those white blood cells who will be chasing him. and they need to make a lots of those protein to kill time. they hve talked to ribosomes in cytosol and all of them agreed to give cooperation to translate the protein at a fast speed. so yeah, get to work everyone!! i was able to observe exactly how they work. how DNA polymerase act as engineer for the building of the mRNA which will be encoded in cytosol to become a protein. as i was busy observing, suddenly i heard loud sound coming from loudspeaker from the outside. ''liver cells 6726(code for this cell im living in), we know you keep the outsider inside you! i would want to warn you, it is not your right to keep that outsider inside you. outsider has to be punished and killed! they do not belong here at all! they will cause harm to this body we are living with. your act is despiteful, liver cell 6726! i really hope you give some cooperation because if we had no choice, our soldiers, several gigantic macrophage will have to engulf the whole of your cell. its a massive work, but its for our body sake. and we love you. we do not want to kill you. please release that intruder and leave it to us we will handle it''. theres some kind of adrenaline coming to my nerve. i certainly dont want to die now. what if 6726 decided they had made big mistake trying to help me? what if they decided to give me to those bastard lymphocytes? i really dont want to die now. i still hve 4 years to study in my medical school. 4 years more to learn about how lymphocyte act (though now i had learn real lot about them! and i hate them and hope not to see them anymore). but to my ease, suddenly, DNA comes from back and pat my shoulder. ''dont worry,dont be afraid of them. theres been lots of attempt to kill me by the way recently. im a very very old cell. i have lived here about 5 days serving my master. processing lots of hormones to make my master happy. now, im old and useless. i keep secreting the wrong protein recently. and cause several disaster to other system. the lymphocyte know that im going to die soon. i saw he ticks my name in his cell-to-die-soon. i have served my master. now i just want to do some kind deed to human being.''. i was so touched by his word and smile. i said, ''i wont forget your good deed to me'' in my heart, i know that i want to be a LIVER surgeon in the future! i know, liver surgeon dont exist. but well, i will make one. so after 1 hours, all protein has already been encoded and stock at one side of the cell. i feel quiet congested because theres overcapacity of protein inside this cell. so we had planned it very discretely. when protein are secretd from cell from the anterior part, i must move fast and get out from the posterior part of the cellfast and furious. so we made our move. yes, it works!! i swim as fast as i could! just now, the alpha and beta subunit of microtubule (they are twin), have already gave me a map on how i could be excreted peacefully without harming my body. i need to go up through oesaphagus and get out of this body through the mouth. the plan doesnt look complicated. i just need to pass through several simple cuboidal cells, and meet stomach, meet heart, then corner left a bit, and use the staircae of the trachea to reach the noe, or use staircase of oesaphagus to reach mout. either of that. but when im actually outside the cell trying to swim as fast as i could, i become lost. where should i go?! OMG! i wish i could have a GPS with me. but there wouldnt be any satellite signal in body by the way. but i decided not to give up. i swim and swim and suddenly i saw a red sea. oh what this could possibly mean? and i smell the water. its blood! theres lots of blood here in this 'room'. suddenly i realized, this is the endometrium of my friend's uterus! i giggled out loud alone in the uterus. i tried to punch the endometrium hard just to see whether it is as spongy as i thought it would be. suddenly theres earthquake mmoving very strong. and i heard my friend screaming from outside, ''arrrrghhhh''. i said, oooops, sorry! so the only way i can go out is through...........vagina! i giggled again. i cannot believe i will be coming out from my friend's vagina. this is so ridiculous. its like she give birth to me!! without a conception! but well, no other ways. so i try to squeeze myself through but couldnt. oh i forgot. shes not ahving period. so i cannot go out from this exit. so i decied to find her urinary bladder instead following the path of the urethra. so i wait long until she wants to urinate. after 5 hours waiting, at last, i become excreted along with the uric acid. it really smells bad. but all i think about is to save my life. so, well, that is my journey in the human body. it was so adventurous, and scary. but i learnt significantly a lot about it. =)

who actually read this from beginning to the end, i salute u! gahagaha.

2012-01-10T04:10:00.002+08:00

the smell of coffee is everywhere. the baggy and red eyes is everywhere. the mumbling nonsense things in twitter. yeah, thats the indicator of exam tornado coming to wash out uni in uk! at least, most of us.

i have the oppoturnity to watch this video about all american muslim debate.

to be honest, im not a kind of person who can stand up so brave and express my view. yeah true. but wow, i dont know that soooo many people really hate Islam in america, or in everywhere. they thought islam is terrorist. its a very sad thing. it hurts my feeling.

they thought that muslim want to implement the shariah law. i hate the way they say it, like shariah law is very bad things. like something evil coming from the hell.

shariah law is something so perfect. subhanallah.

okay, if you dont believe me, please follow my instruction. now, look at your hand. and try to cut it a bit. why there is blood coming out? and wait a few days and the wound is completeley healed. how does your body know that it need to heal when theres wound there?

its a very complex process. theres 10000 pages can illustrate how your body, our body is being regulated. HOW PERFECT is the regulation of homeostasis in our body. when you eat too much, your body will secrete more insulin to cover up for your extra eating habit. and to provide energy for you.

you think that is easy? try to open molecular biology book and you can never believe the complexity of the system!!!! even to secrete one insulin, thousand molecules involve in signalling that. or maybe ten thousands. IT IS SO PERFECT!!!! superb!!!

NOBODY can create something so perfect like this subhanallah!!!

and after all those complexity, are you saying that, Allah who create the islamic law, is wrong???

that law is not suitable??

well, thats something to think about.

human being has their own view and perception how they want to see their life, how they want to practice their religion, how and how. because Allah gives them ability to do what ever they want, these are called, VOLUNTARY act.

but remember, in the end, you will be JUDGED.

all of us will be judge. do whatever your want, and you will be responsible for that.

there is never one.

2012-01-07T04:12:00.006+08:00

there must be very big message that Allah wants us to see from the creations and maintenance of cells.

from what i see, there is never one molecule SO STRONG that it can control everything.

well, at first thought, maybe you would said, DNA is the centre of everything.

but no, behind the DNA, there is much more higher power that will control whether that piece of DNA will be transcribed or not.

TATA box. yes, this located behind the DNA sequence that you want to transcribe. without it, that sequence of DNA is just like the paper sheet you throw into the dustbin. but with that TATA box, you can create a protein, that have potential to change how your whole body function.

so, now you think TATA box is the most important.

but no! again. TATA box can only operate when there is enhancers, which is located far from that TATA box but still determine whether that TATA box will be functioning or not (attract other transcription factor).

so, now, you have DNA sequence, TATA box and the enhancers. is that enough? so now you decide enhancers is the most powerful? but again, no...no...

enhancers need lots of regulatory proteins to bind to it. sometimes 5 of them. sometimes 2.

so when regulatory protein, bind to enhancers, now will only the transcription factors want to bind to them, and make the RNA polymerase functioning, moving along the DNA sequence and start to transcribe everything.

wow. that is such a lot of works!

and!! if only one cell that is making that, it wouldnt make any different to the whole organ at all. you need BUNCHES of cells that want to work with you. bunch of cells that also have the regulatory protein, transcription factor, TATA box and everything. if you do it alone, nope, nothing will change at all.

do you know how one cell can differentiate to become organ? a strong organ? that can function and help you with lots of things. for example, stomach o

rgan. how cell decide they want to be cells located in stomach??

ALSO by cooperating with the adjacent cells, and they spread out the signal like, ''hey let us all become cells located in stomach okay?''.

even in the creation of our own selves, there will never be ONE. it is all about US, WE and together we make a difference!

this is Allah's creation. it is very complicated. this is the fundamental things that enable you to move fast like a rabbit, to eat like a cow, to run like a tiger, to sleep like a bear, to feel, to experience everything. this is the most awesome creation, by Allah. and from here, you see, THERE IS NEVER one cell working alone. all is about T

OGETHER!

again, amazing isnt it?

first pic *ni gambar cell kat trachea*

..perghhhh mantap gilor..can someone make me so tiny? i want to swim inside the my own capillaries!! (errr..on second thought..how thats possible? lol)

the story about our beloved country, and DNA

2012-01-07T02:13:00.003+08:00

this post, i want to talk about cell.

oh M. G!

cell is super ridiculously, GREAT!

setiap satu sudut, setiap satu pelusuk dalam mechanism kejadian satu ketul cell, is superb.

creation of cell can be related to our daily life. this post, i will teach you, how to relate the molecular mechanism of cells with our daily living.

first, we receive a signal from the signalling receptor, which is instruction from Allah, what do we have to do in life.

so we first, absorbed that signal, try to understand it, decipher everything, learn in depth about what Allah wants us to do. perform prayer, hajj, respect parents and everything. after we learn all that, we started to apply it in our daily life. and thats when the conformational change happen.

well, it can RTK, JAK, phospholipase C, leptin, theres whole lots of variety of action we can do, by receiving that same signal.

for example, let say, i am the JAK signal. so i applied what Allah wants me to do in my life. i have changed. so as my body, my soul, (which is the receptor signal here). so, i want to tell my family, my friends, my society ad my country about this signal. i want to tell them what we need to produce from this signal i received from the brain (in case of real life, from Allah).

so i carry that message with me, trying to swim within the cytoplasm. but no! it is not that easy. in order for me to reach the putrajaya, and tell najib to adhere to the signal that Allah has told me to spread, is out of my capability. since, im just a typical medical student in uk. so, i pass the signal to my dad instead. he pass to his friend whos working in putrajaya (lets name him mr Taib), and also friend of najib. before that he need to see najib's secretary (the nuclear pore). ''whats the purpose of you being here?''

''i have messenge to tell najib, its signal from something bigger'.

when mr Taib comes into the nucleus, (which is the office of najib in putrajaya), he find it very hard to do it alone. but well, i need to do this, it is very important for me to relay this signal because if i didnt do so, this whole country will die (in that case, the whole cell), he said to reassure himself.

so at last, he managed to tell najib. najib feel so happy about the new message. oraite, lets work it out. i can change the system of the country. but i need to go into massive documents, to mend back the law and alls. i cannot do this alone.i need more people to help me to make this work.

najib goes to the meeting room, where he met with other cabinet people. all of them agree to make that change.

hence they gather at one place (regulation protein, promoters, transcription factor) and started to add necessary law (nucleotides) to the book law in malaysia. (lol, i forgot the mechanism of how to change law..its something about pesuruhjaya i learnt in BTN but i forgot d,lets make it simple).

it is not a simple work. but they manage to do it fast, because lots of things help najib to do it. but the principe is, without that other people, najib can NEVER change the whole system by his own hand. its ALWAYS about team work.

so, after the first meeting with his cabinet, they has made the rough draft of the new law in malaysia. (law which will give more advantage to secure islamic religion in the country, law which comes from the 'signal' he receives from Mr Taib, which comes from me, which i receive from the quran (from Allah),,islamic law). ''so, heres the first draft!'', say najib. (in case of the cell, its the mRNA)

but that first draft cannot come out yet. it must be reviewed by lots of people before hand (mRNA splicing, methylation,acetylation)

first, he must take it to the ADUN and they reviewed the law. and amend it. remove all those junk unnecessary law that will bring bad to the country (intron splicing). and tada, now the draft contains only the necessary and beneficial law (exon).

then they take that draft to the malaysian lawyer board (acetylation). after those lawyers expert with law reviewed, they give it a COP, showing they have approved that law.. (poly A tail).

next, they send that draft to the sultan of malaysia (i really not good in these law thingy) which in the cell perspective is METHYLATION.

and lastly, the go through the guard again (nuclear pore), and spread that law to the menteri for the perlaksanaan (ribosome processing the mRNA and turn it into length of amino acid).

and thats where the protein is produced, and excrete from the cells, which in the case, all those good citizens of Malaysia, the teenagers who spend most of their time worshipping Allah not wasting time only having fun with life.

these are thr PRODUCT of that signalling. which keep the cell mesmerizing, secreting enzymes to eat all those bad enemy, eat them alive. cell becomes so strong, and survive.

when you DISOBEY that signal, that where the destruction of the country happen, which is the CANCER! and the cell die, because the prime minister of the country refuse to give cooperation to obey that signal. he do something else instead. and thats what happen, cell dies.

AMAZING isnt it?

how to appreciate love

2012-01-07T02:03:00.002+08:00

i was before, someone who dont believe in the power of love.

i mean, well, if you study that thick 5 inch book (i dont know what length of 5 inch but its thick) of molecular biology of cell, in the topic of neuronal signalling, much of our feeling are caused by the signalling by neurone or sometimes, by hormone. hence, everything is about hormone messing up with your body, and your brain.

but is it true?

i am one of those billion of people who are terribly mesmerized, super mesmerized by the creation of cells, to create a complex organism of human being who can talk, walk, experience anger and everythin. i am those who can sit there for the whole day, and just think about our isolated friends, DNA. i am the one who can sit silently at one place, looking at my finger, and try to zoom in what happen inside there.

it is a super complex mechanism! seriously. and it is created by Allah. which makes it more superb than ever. that shows how He is the Most Omnisicient, all knowledge is from HIM. and LOVE, is one of his most precious prize to human being. love, is something that is the fundamental of everything that happen in this world, every SINGLE thing. and is it FAIR to just say, love is just another action of hormone and signalling molecules in the body?

i would say, that is not fair, and not logic at all. love must come from something bigger. dont degrade that honoured loved with something so, typical, something so daily like interaction of neurone and hormone in brain. it must come from something bigger! because if love is just solely result of hormone messing up with your brain, then, you have put the value of love just the same level whenever you feel mad at a cat who eat your fish.

can anyone dissect this for me?

2012-01-02T18:05:00.002+08:00

1.Biological function is multi-level

2.Transmission of biological information is not one-way

3.DNA is not the sole transmitter of inheritance

4.There is no privileged level of causality

5.Gene ontology will fail without higher level insight

6.There are no genetic programs

7.There are no programs in the brain

8.There are no programs

9.The self is not an object

our first trip to spain -

2012-01-02T02:42:00.004+08:00

i owe you all the post about our trip in spain. i must write it down here before it perished with time. okay jom pergi adventure!

we planned out spain trip by ourselves, so we cant expect it to be perfect. tapi yang tak perfect tu yang ajar kita banyak valuable experience. im so proud of our trip. it was super awesome!!! the most important thing is, i gained lots of invaluable experiences from the trip.

my friends who were with me are nabilah (LSE accounting london), eju (imperial engineerg london), intan (bath accounting uni), hanisah (economics warwick k

ot tak sure LOL), tipah (ireland medic) and syakirah ireland medic.

so, the reason i put along their course is because, it play BIG important in ensuring our smooth journey. haha. having an accountant, SEVERAL great accountant in the journey DO save a lot of my money. accountant ni, dalam kepale diorang is all about saving money. save save save..... it kinda contrast with my nature which is spend,spend,spendddddd. but i know, it is very good to have them in this journey because as a result, some of us only spend 300 pound for the whole 9 days journey. its incredibly CHEAP. but i dont. i spent around 500 pound i think.

so again, having an accountant here do really make me think twice whether i want to do this thing or that thing.

they are the one who keep track of all our expenses. and then calculate bla bla bla,, and make the reverse entry. and ape bende tah yang diorang bincang2 sesame sendiri pasal account balancing and bla bla. but in the end, everyone happy! haha. im amazed of how she can come out with the solution on how to manage the account. kalau aku handle account tu, memang aku la yang bankrupt sebab:

1)i dont usually track expenses on paper.i write it in my brain only

2)im lazy to calculate bende2 kecik so usually i just,,ala aku blenaje je laa yang tu. last2 sume da belanje,aku ler yg bankrupt.

seriously. aku kalau cam dah malas nak kira, dah laa halal jer laa sume uh. tapi accountant ni,, they dont do that. even 1 euro of mineral water, if someone buy for everyone, she will want to put it in our account and divide it by 7. HAHAHA. it is so hilarious!!!

okay enough with the account thingy.

20hb dec

i was so excited and nervous. i need to go to airport early morning because my flight is on 6.45am. the flight to malaga is 1 hour and half. i slept all the time i cant even see spain when the plane landing. oh no.

then, kiteorg sewa kereta 7 seater. im the one whos responsible on reading map because i cannot drive a manual car. so kawan i drive. pastu sesat makan langsat. and we arrived at mihas around 6 something. waktu ni la, aku jumpa satu panaroma yang sangat2 indah aku rasa cam nak nangis je sebab cantik sangat. subhanallah. im so sorry i forgot to take the picture. because at that time, i was so amazed at the scenery. its the sunset between the white building in spain.

i dont wan to take pic because i think, i dont want to waste every second of the scene. haha.

malam tu, sampai la kat mihas lepas sesat macam ape jer. apartment tu 8 euro sorang, satu malam. murah sangat la sebab apartment tu sangat besar, ade kitchen semua. kawan i masakkan nasi goreng. then, semua dah terlantar kepenatan.

cerita hari first ni nampak simple, but theres lots of things we went through together. macam2. tapi malas nak cite smua.

21hb 12

hari ni kiteorang jalan2 kat malaga. melawat alcazabar,museum picasso and naik kereta kuda.

o crap. im sorry people. im too lazy to write everything.

revision method.

2012-01-02T00:19:00.004+08:00

i have invented a new study regime!

1)basic revision.

this is where you grab all the concept, what you need to memorize, just put everything in one place. know how everything works. basic principles.

just know the overall picture of the puzzle. know how to arrange your balls in the basket.

2)intense revision

this is where you started to put all the balls properly in the basket. you started to put pieces of the puzzle. memorizing everything. put all the facts nicely in your brain. absorb it. secure using seat belt. this is the time where you need maximum amount of coffee. hahaha

3)super-marathon revision.

this is where you just refresh and refresh everything you already memorized. strengthen your memory until it fixed in your brain like ABC.

i know, sounds so simple. but obviously, you need to put immense time to make it sounds like ABC. but well, at the end, you feel the satisfaction anywhere. ganbatte everyone!

2011-12-29T06:57:00.000+08:00

i will no longer update this blog.

goodbye.

adios.

Andalucia

2011-12-27T01:22:00.001+08:00

Subhanallah!!! Spain memang super awesome.im still in sain now i loveit. Theres a whole LOTS of new things o learn from my holiday to spain....im still in spain now. But i will definitely tellbu how great SPAIN is!!!!! If u have money.. U DEFINITELY must come visit this place! The most awesome holiday ive ever had!!

spain trip and winter break!

2011-12-18T03:24:00.004+08:00

today i go to city to do some shopping.

=.=

ohhhh.

money become less and lesser from day to day. i really really need to figure out way to find more money because i love to go travelling. and travelling take LOTS of money from my pocket.

i bought a sweater for new born baby kak F. hihi. the baby is so cute. oh wait. i forgot whats his name. i just came back from visiting the baby, and i forgot his name. muhammad something bin idris. ahahaha.

baby so cute. then, kak F asked me if i want to hold the baby, and i said,,,errr,,tak pe lahh akak. saye takot nak pegang newborn baby. hes so delicate. i dont want to tak the risk.

then, kak f told me the story how hard she has to sacrifice her time to fulfill the need of baby.

yes, to grow up the baby is SOOOO hard. =(

oh, when i told the kakak that i dont want to hold the baby because im scared, i think she give me that look, ''oh how u going to hold your baby later?'' hahahaha. okay. i know. i have to be a grown up person. i mean, maybe another 7-8 years i might have a baby. well, 7 years is far away. lets forget about it.

okay move on to the AWESOME thing. so, winter holiday has come. yes, im in a winter holiday break now. for 1 month break. and then, opening of the uni back, got exam..=.=

okay forget about the exam. but still, im so excited to get into my second semester!! because this time, we will learn so much of CADAVER and anatomy. elehh. anat skang pon lintang pukang macam haper je. bajet nak lagi detail. tqah oh tqah.

after exam, theres 2 weeks holiday. my friends in mesir ajak me datang!! oh im so excited if i can come and visit mesir. but ive just came back from spain at that time.

ok i tell you about my SPAINNNNN TRIP!!!!

yeyy. im going to spain!! i cant wait for OUR AWESOME ADVENTURE!!

we actually plan this trip BY OURSELVESS!! its the first step to show that now, WE ARE ALL GROWN UP PERSON! i love to be grown up person. i mean, every time my birthday come, i am so happy because my age is increasing to a bigger number! weird eh? lots of people love to be young. but i dont. i like to see my age bigger. ahahaha.

later i will put lots of pictures okayyyy!!!

dont live in denial

2011-12-16T14:49:00.005+08:00

in this post i will ponder around ethics of socializing and pose the question of how do you justify your feeling to hurt someone, or do an act that will hurt someone.

-------------------------------------------------------

have you pissed off someone lately? (you hurt people)

have you been pissed of by someone lately? (people hurt you)

pissed off means,,,hurt!

yes. i always feel like something scratching over my heart when i got hurt by anything, not physically. open your mind wide. 'anything' does not really specifically means, when i was talking to human. sometimes, when i watch a movie, i was pissed off because what happened to the line story of the movie.

for example, HOUSE tv series. season 8, episode 'transplant',

house said to wilson..

''you do whatever you want to do so that we can be friends again.

you can punch me. you can hit me..anything..then you forgive me.

i want us to be friend again after that..''

then,,wilson said,,,

''house..the thing is...i dont like you.''

i was so offended with that part. if youve been following the house series, then you know that house and wilson have been a very close best friends since the first season. well, luckily, later on that episode, they become friends again.

but the question is, what if they dont?

hurting other people's feeling is not really hard to do. because YOU are not responsible for what they feel. you say whatever you want, and it is up to her/him to handle the reaction to what you said before to him/her. for example, you say to someone ''you have such a sad life''. and then you go on with your life. and that person becomes so sad about what you said. but you didnt feel guilty of making her/him feel sad. because you think that, i dont care what he wants to feel as long as i lead a happy life.

do you like this theories?

do you think that theory is good, and fair for everyone? i will give more examples.

1) let say, you have LOTS of friends in facebook. and then, suddenly, you decide to cut down the figure and start removing people in your friends list. people that you MIGHT know, but you think you dont want to have anything to do with them anymore, so you removed them. they might be the same gender with you, or the opposite. the point is, YOU REMOVED them.

the part of removing your ''friends'' in facebook IS EASY. but have you been thinking what is the reaction of the person you just removed from you fb list, when they realized that they no longer receive any news feed from your facebook. and when they visit your page, they no longer see that ''tick'' of you two being friends like before.

do you feel like you have been, violated? you heart has been scratched to bleed? you start asking question, why i got removed by him/her friend list? am i not good enough to be his friends?

this is just typical example. im sure some of you already experience this. when it comes to socializing, there will be lots of fun. but remember, theres still the downsides also.

what makes you feel that you can hurt other people? what makes you feel better of doing act that you know will hurt other people, but you just dont care?

2) DOES owning a BMW 7 series in front of your porch make YOU FEEL BETTER when hurting other people?

because you are way better than them. so you can hurt them, and let them feel the pain while you laughing over with other friends that you consider real friends and deserve their place in your facebook friend list? nope. this is just example. i mean, the facebook thing is just typical example. i can give other example by just altering the sentences before.

3)DOES owning a BMW 7 series in front of your porch make YOU FEEL BETTER hurting other people? because you are way better than them. so you can hurt them, by refusing someone invitation to wedding party just because you think it is not grand enough for your standard?

4)does owning expensive 4 figures watches you bought at jewellery stores make you FEEL right of hurting other people? by not giving them a slight of acknoledgement, or smile when you pass by them on your walk everyday?

5)does having a lovely family with beautiful daughters or sons, or handsome siblings make you more SUPERIOR than other people, so you offend them without feeling guilty?

the thing that i want to pose question here, do all that materialistic justify your arrogant behavior? are you not responsible of the scratched feeling that other people got from your arrogant, ignorance behavior to them?

if you own all those luxury, expensive shoes, shirts, watches, lots of money in your purse, does it make you feel that you are more successful than the other random walking pedestrian at sogo? is that justify your reason of hurting other people? because you are superior than them?

dear people and human, this is something that you,i and all of us, definitely need to learn...

you are not better than other people if you have 1 million in your bank

you are not better than other people if you study in overseas

you are not better than other people if you managed to maintain you tahajjud everyday

you are not better than other people if you have 1000 friends in your facebook account

you are not better than other people if you can go vacation overseas every year

you are not better than other people if other people said so

we are all the same. we are being tested by God in different individual ways in this earth. you dont even know when the test is going to be end.

if you are rich now,

if you drive merch or BMW now,

if you can memorize all quran now,

if you live with such a beautiful and rich family now and you are so proud of it,

that might be the beginning of your 'exam' by God. you are not yet being FULLY ASSESSED. then, dont think you are better than other people, just because you have those things.

be humble. stop hurting other people. care for their feelings. dont think that what ever you do or you said, you are not responsible for that.

that is ESCAPISM, my dear friends. you are living in denial.

because the truth is, every man is responsible for their action.

2011-12-13T10:03:00.001+08:00

at last, i bought a timex watch.

need to save for this 3 month, so i can buy my dreamt watch.

sometimes, we need to be patient to buy something precious that we want.

be patient okay? you will get that thing later...another 3 month! =D

i will buy it for you darling (talking to myself) lol.

=S

2011-12-13T03:36:00.006+08:00

\
please help meee choose which watch!!!

im so getting headache. ive spent 4 hours looking for watch..=.=

sumenyer cantik giler i cannot make decision!!

health and fragility

2011-12-12T14:35:00.004+08:00

how do you perceive health?

are you aware that our body is made up of a LOTS of little tiny things called, CELL?

the cells! yes. cell comprised of mitochondria, nucleus,Golgi, cell membrane,lysosomes and everything. a lot of cells make up TISSUE. and bundle of tissue made up the ORGAN like kidney, heart and everything.

do you ever wonder what makes this cell work normally, and what cause failure of them to work normally?

for cell to work normally, there must be a good coordination from the DNA, RNA and the transcription factor.

let say you lose one enzyme production, everything will be in a total mess! you faile to produce the other enzyme, and this fail to function and that fail to function. you started to experience various symptoms like vomitting, cardiac arrest adn etc.

the question is, do you view health as, the continuity of DNA regulation and transcription or the absence of continuity?

we are so fragile. that is what most people are not aware of. yesterday, i was in town sending my friend tu bus station. then, i was clicking and tapping on my phone for several minutes. suddenly i could not feel my hand anymore because its so freezing. when i reache my house i went to bathroom and wash my hand. i saw its already RED. SO RED! red like a flaming flare. only my hand is red. the wrist is not red.

do you know why my hand is red like that? because my heart, my circulation system, all of them cooperate to try to save my hand from getting a frost bite. my hand were too cold. its -1 yesterday. so, my blood vessel become bigger. my heart pump more blood towards my hand so it will give some warm. blood is warm, remember?

same goes to how you treat you stomach. if you eat a lots of things, you are not aware how you are torturing inside of your body. you cells are working incredibly hard to convert all those glucose into glycogen and try to maintain the sugar level in your body, cholestrol level, insulin and glucagon level. more TCA cycle. excess of ATP. excess of adipose tissue and fatty acid.

what i want to say is, dont see your body as something static. your body respond to what you are doing, sometimes in a very fast way! at one time, when you body become so fed up with you, they say,

''why you keep me working all day and night processing this endless food you put into the stomach?!! ive had enough. im going to stop now. i need a rest!''.

it happens. thats why you got people with high blood pressure, colon cancer, diabetes and etc.

do not view your health by only one eye. health is very important and fragile. once you screw it, you may no longer getting the second chance next time.

christmas weekend

2011-12-12T03:08:00.006+08:00

wow. this weekend has been filled with so much leisure, food, movies, shops and laugh.

i told you my friend, jelina came from dublin to visit me right? oh yeap its true.

at friday, when she first come, i wait her at the bust stop, searching for bus from dublin. i know this weekend will be so much fun. i love the moment so much. when our weekend is on the beginning. its like my world is filled with light, shimmering and its like a temporary heaven. HAHAHA.

im so happy. then, we went to the city to christmas market.

the christmas market was so vibrant at night. there were so many people, lights, souvenirs, and chocolates. jelina said, my skin looks fairer than her. its the truth. im fairer than her. LOL. she said, ive become fairer since im living here. haha. dont praise too much can you? then, we did some shopping as theres so many sales. oh its just a window shopping because im saving my money to go to winter trip this holiday.

and then, we headed off to my house. i baked fish and chips, and also we ate chicken BBQ while watching movies on tv. (with apple and orange juice) yeah, my house got TV. with lots of awesome channels. then, later at night, we spent some time talking, and watch paranormal activity 3 together.

the next day, around 1pm, we headed off to city again. i just accompany her to go shopping. tomorrow will be yi lin birthday. so some of my friends were buzy making scene for the birthday surprise for that night. they told us to come over at their house at night for surprise birthday party.

that night was so awesome. HAHAHA. they bought 2 cakes. one for eat. and the other one to be put on the face of yi lin and her hair all full with cream. at last, the place was such in a super mess. cream everywhere.

oh back to the shopping thingy. jelly bought some jackets at ZARA. i didnt buy anything. im so good right? i mean, i can suppress myself from buying all those beautiful dress. well, i love to buy perfume,expensive crabtree/bodyshop lotion, or shoes instead.that night we watched this one movie, which give so much impact at me until next day. i do not intend to tell you what movie we watch. its an action, thriller movie. not good for your health, believe me. we slept at 5 morning.

next day, which is today, i baked pizza, and we combine breakfast with lunch and eat pizza while watching FRIENDS. so funny comedy love it. then, we went to city because jelina wants to buy her shoes that she forgot to buy yesterday while i went to bank to settle some of bank thingy. then, we went to christmas market again as she wants to buy some chocolates and souvenir for her friends in dublin. yi lin called my phone and asked if want to meet up at starbucks for coffee or something. oh i forgot, shes a birthday girl today.

then around 4, i sent jelina to the bus to go back to dublin. i wish shes studying here instead of dublin. i will miss her. shes one of the most awesome friends i had in this world. one of the most, okay? theres lots of awesome friends. but shes one of them. when i saw her going back to the bus, and saw the bus slowly moving away, i feel sad in my heart. i feel like, my happiness, and light has gone away with her again. oh....... =(

then, yi lin and i met at JENZ for milkhake and coffee. and we talked about things and her birthday party and allzzz. tonight, there will be a steamboat dinner to celebrate her birthday. i bought her a lovely bracelet with love on it. its shining and glittering. i love it so much. yi lin was so happy to receive the bracelet. she said, ''ohhh this is soooo sweeeet and beautiful!!''. im so happy that she thinks the bracelet is beautiful. hehe. see who choose?? =D we hang out at jenz for about 1 hour something. haha.

i dont know. sometimes, i miss my friends. sometimes i feel so lonely i do not know what to do in my life. i try to view everything in a positive way.

i do not know which is better. to spend the weekend with books, so i dont have to feel the loneliness when someone i love to spend my time with, go away like that...

happiness sometimes come and go. but Allah stay there, He always with you. He is not like human. sometimes appear, and sometimes He goes.. no,,He is not like that.

i feel kinda lonely because the whole day i was with someone i love, and today shes already go back because she has to go back to resume her life in dublin.

but Allah is always around me. around us. He will never go away from us. He stays where we want Him to say. Ya Allah, please dont go far from my life. fill my life with happiness and serenity.

the walking crabs

2011-12-11T10:15:00.005+08:00

how many people in this world, stroll around at night and wonder where is God?

if God controls the earth, and fate, so why does someone whos been convicted by murder are punished for his act? because his act is a fate, and he shouldnt be responsible for that.

thats not my opinion. its from the movie i watched recently, stone.

i do not really understand the underlying reason why this and this happen. i wish it would be revealed in the end like how they revealed it in the Illusionist or The Prestige.

stone said, when he burnt down his grandparent house after he and his friend killed them, he didnt feel any guilty at all.

guilty comes when you have the obligation to do good things because that is what God wants you to do. but some people dont believe in God and hence, that might explain why he didnt feel any guilty for doing that act.

world is in a mess.

we live from the moment we were born until now with the knowledge that we have something solid from Allah to hold on. we thought that guidance is there because its there from the beginning.

hence we do not know that somewhere out there, people living without that guidance. and they digging the books, lectures, scientific studies to find the reason behind everything. how this happen, why it should happen, until when this should happen.. the unanswered question that nobody can give a definite answers. it is like looking at the sky at night, and you need to pick one stars which belong to you. theres lots of choices, and you do not have any clue on how to get the right answer.

it is hard. now, you dont really feel like you want to think about it, because your life is already perfect. you do not feel like you need help from anybody.

it is like what my tutor said, your life is like a walking crab. the legs are the things that keep you walking straight, upright and happy towards the sea. it enables you to go through the rough tides.

but when theres comes time one of your leg fall apart, will you still be walking straight and upright? will you ever reach the end point again? will you be talking to God, now, on how Hes so not unfair treating you like this when other people have a lovely family to live with? will you start comparing your fates with others? will you be able to accept the fate with dignity and still give that smile when other people asking, 'how are you'? will you SURVIVE that?when things are not perfect, then only will you start to ponder about this things.

define your legs!

what makes you still walking straight? what makes other collapse during their journey? what makes you different from others? what is your action?

do you want to blame the legs for not being strong enough to support your body?

do you blame the sand for being too rough damaging the legs?

do you blame the weather for making it harder to live your life?

do you blame the endpoint of your destiny for being too far?

do you blame 'the other crabs' for not helping you along your journey?

who do you blame? what do you blame?

you can keep blaming things

you can keep cursing other crabs for not helping you.

you can keep sitting there and being carried away to nowhere by the tides at night.

while the distance of the endpoint will still remain constant.

but you can also try to replace back your damaged legs, asking helps, use another route with smoother sand, so you can continue back the journey, without blaming other things.

it is complicated. there is not definite answer in questions regarding life. use your instinct and refer to what you believe is the true guidance. keep moving forward. and you will eventually reach there. its not a matter of time. its the matter of how hard you try to reach the endpoint, without doing much damage to yourself, and to others around.

holiday! yey

2011-12-11T05:37:00.002+08:00

hi everyone.

today is going to be the last week of my first term in queens university belfast!!

awww. alhamdulillah! time flies so fast! i cant believe im going to be in the second term next year!! and then off to my second year of medical school!!!! YIPEEE!

haha. im so happy. every second that goes on, every year that goes on, im near to getting the title DR!!! oh!! how awesome is that?

it is not that im crazy about the title. its just, something that youve been imagine since you are small, to be a doctor. and tadaaa! now you are a doctor. you can sit in hospital, wear the scrub and stethoscope. give instruction to nurses!! yummmm...isnt that awesome?

i love it.

but still, its still a long journey. its not just toward getting the title. its what you acquired along the journey that define the value of that title.

oh today my friend from dublin came to belfast and stay with me. i love it. i wish she studied in belfast instead of in RCSI,so it would be more fun in here. i mean, when shes around me, i feel like i do not care about anything in this world because i already have what i need to have. AHAKS! HAHAHA. lovely eyh? oraite i am straight.

yi lin told me to bring her to junction one,,outlet factory where lots of things so cheap there. but i didnt want to bring her there becasue :

1)that place is so far away

2)that place sometimes can be so...deserted,,and lonely,,and reminded me the outlet factory in melbourne. which i dont want to remember that. HAHAHA.

3)expensive to go there. return ticket already 14 pound. crazy. i can buy 2 shirts with 14 pound.

4)theres so much awesome things in city in belfast,why bother to go far away?

and tada, i only spend 25 pound total! wow so proud of me. i managed to control my spending!

12 pound -NEXT bracelet.

7 pound - shirts.

and the other for fooddsss..haha.

but to sum up, this week, i didnt study at all.

again?!!!

2011-12-07T05:13:00.003+08:00

okay aku memang frust meletop kali ni.

aku rase haritu macam the whole 2 days sampai 4 pagi aku bace journal wat essay ni..

and then,,,last2 tinggal nak wat conclusion jer..

and now,,when i was doing leisure reading on news for stem cell, i just realized that EVERYTHING that i wrote in my previous essay were so OBSOLETE!!!!

ohhhhhhhhhh tidaaaaaak.

means,i have to read again, and do another analysis for another experiment.

sebab experiment yang aku dah tulis haritu dah lapoKKKKKK.

people, please do preliminary reading first before you decide on taking any paper u want to spend your whole night with.

*frust meletop*

OH APE NAK JADI DENGAN HIDUP KU.

huru hara!!

nasib dateline ade lagi 7 hari! hahak

kebosanan

2011-12-07T01:15:00.002+08:00

haii everyone!!

huhu.

i closed my blog for 1 week. because im so in love with twitter right now. but then, in twitter u can only write limited things.

theres not much happen except for more and more test and exam coming up.

now i feel a headache in my head. plus i always sleep during lecture.

korang suke wat ape bile tengah malas tahap maximum tak bleh bukak buku pon..

ni bende yg aku suke wat

1)refresh facebook punye newsfeed. yup seriously. aku rase semenjak aku dok uk ni..aku paling update sekali kowttt dengan newsfeed facebook ni. oh man.

but..hahaha..haritu baru je buat cleaning filter..daa remove manusia2 yang tak berkenaan ngan hidup aku. huhu. ade laa dalam 100 manusia jugak. oh bersih sikit newsfeed aku. selalunye apelaa stranger2 dalam fb aku post nih.

2)just indulge myself with music.

aku biasenye stick kat 1 song je. 1 song tuuuu je laa yang aku dengar sampai bertahun2. yup. im so loyaaaaal right??? bagilaa banyak2 lagu dalam ipod aku...i will onyl hear one...and keep repeating that one song..ahaha.

3)skype.

skype ni memang best betul. aku kalau skype..berjam2 pon taks edar mase berlalu.

oh aku paling suke skype ngan jelina. shes in dublin.shes so cute. suke laa dengar die bercelotehh. hahaha. sembang je sume bende...

4)twitter

update status twitter sampai follower aku pon dah bengang banyak sgt status aku. hahaha. nasib laa twitter aku restricted giler. kalau tak memang kantoi la aku suke merepek2. haha. tapi pembace blog aku tahu je aku suke merepek.

5)kemas bilik.

vacuum je sume bende walaupun semalam baru vacuum. hahahak.

6)gayotttt

biasenye aku bergayut gayut dengan yi lin. shes just lovely. always have something fun to talk with me. huuhuh.

7)tidor.

ok tu yg aku nak wat skang.

frog

2011-11-27T08:42:00.002+08:00

korang perasan tak...

actually,if u are not taking any responsible for your ownself,,

its not impossible that you will later go farther and farther..

but u didnt even realize about it..

yeap..back to the old example..

put a frog abruptly in hot water and it will immediately jump away..

but try to put it first, in warm water..and then...slowly......just slow and gentlely..

heat the water gentle...until it become hot..

and the frog will die in that hot water..

because the frog become so adapt to its surrounding...

it didnt even know wheres the standard of hotness like it know from the beginning..

thats what sin look like..

if you adapt yourself..engulf yourself with sins...

later you will raise the standard of that guiltyness and error...

but Allah standard still stay the same..

but u assume that it is allright..

and at last..u die...just as that frog die in that hot water..

your heart die engulfed in ocean of sins..

its scary..

but it happens.

baby kecil yang tak berape nak kecil..haha

2011-11-27T00:13:00.002+08:00

i miss ainul so muchhhhhhhhh.

im going to save money..so that i can sponsor her to come here during christmas...

so we can play snow togetherrrrr..and build a baby snowman...awwwwww comelnyer ainol i missssss you so much baby bucuk

2011-11-26T22:39:00.003+08:00

have u ever feel disappointed with yourself?

i wonder if its just me, or it affect everybody.

sigh. i feel like i didnt have enough time to do lots of things. to do 5000 words essays. to do academic project and being active in volunteer work and extra activity.

i am not a robot. i cannot handle all those things at once.

weird. how those people can handle this..all this thing..working,,studying,,building academic project, attachment,presentation and everything at one time.

it really give me a headache. do i have to drink extra booster everyday to ensure i have maximised my working time everyday??

sigh sigh. i play too much maybe.

talking mouse

2011-11-25T23:58:00.003+08:00

today my lecturer talked about clinical trial using animal and the ethics behind it. i havent think about this before. and now this make me think about it.

let say you have a horrible drug, that you thought will make tumour disappear. and then you put it on the mouse..and it has A LOTS of tumour in its body. but it still didnt die. it live with that tumour forever and in agony.

do you think that mouse cry because of that?

what if we are born as that mouse instead of as a human.

what do we want to tell human being?

''stop putting horrible drugs on me!'' but they wouldnt here you at all.

do you think its moral to put animals in agony like that for our own benefit.

i guess, thats why Allah makes mouse and animal cannot talk like human being. allah made their language incomprehensible by human.

because if they talk the same language as us, more people would be vegetarians. and so, this world will have much much more less trees,,and so..more carbon dioxide on the earth. and that would be catastrophic.

i skyped with ainul just now. oh i miss her. i want to smell her lovely hair. and kiss her fatty cheeks. hahahaha. she got 99% for her english paper. she said the paper was ridiculously easy. where they show you picture of ruler,,and ask what is that. and theres possible answer..a-ruler. b-table. c-pencil. and d-house.

so cute

2011-11-18T10:30:00.001+08:00

nice song!

stem cell madness

2011-11-18T07:50:00.004+08:00

pheuw.

ive been researching for stem cell for my final coursework project for 5 hours.

well, substract the time i spend crunching food, facebook and twitter, maybe its 2 hours actually. haha.

and finally making some progress for my first paragraph. i am so happy.

and while i was constantly updating my twitter status,

Ateey Ateeyqa Asmadi

one day, im going to work to generate one brand new heart from stem cells! now you can eat all those junk food without any worry.

Ateey Ateeyqa Asmadi

drink the oils. stuffed yourself with excessive sugars. filled your stomach with food. kidney failure? no worry. we can give you a new one.

Ateey Ateeyqa Asmadi

its like the aladdin magic lamp! i want a new heart. yes, here it is. 10 pound each. will there be time when you can generate a new body?dd

i come across the idea of generating whole one body using stem cell!!!

oh crap. that is such a superb idea man!

i mean.

you can have WHOLE new body replacement of your old body in case if its already worn out, or too old.

not that i say this is a clone. its still you. but somehow, you replace everything on your own current body, with a new one.

well u might want to wonder how you do that?

stem cell research has been makin a lot of progress this recent years.

im sure it will make more progress after the scientist has deciphere what lying in every single genes in our genome!!

once all the genese,,ok maybe not all, but all those ESSENTIAL gene for coding activity has been FULLY understand, and the combination of transcription factor with regulatory protein is understood like how you can understand

1+2+3=6

3+3=6

1+1+1+1+2=6

we can actually generate WHATEVER type of differentiated cell we want!!!

oh man. just imagine what the world will look like at that time!!!

people can only die from severe accident.

because, you won't get OLD at all.

maybe you want to stay, well, when you are 80 years old, the telomerase in your chromosome already worn out! and you cant do anything about it. they lack ability to divide.

the solution???

when baby is born, the doctor will take his stem cell and store it. so when hes 80 years old, he can use his stem cell to create new heart,blood vessel, skin, brain, stomach, kidney and everything. WHOLE ORGANISM!!!!!!

you will be young, refresh back like how you refresh back your google chrome! whole new sets of genome (it is the same..but its new). its like, you send your macbook to apple store for complete restoration.

you can only die, when malaikat izrail datang.

and that means, this world will have increasing populations!!

because you keep getting baby, but you dont die.

ok that sounds weird.

do you think Allah will be happy with this scientific progress, if it ever happen in the future??

i mean, at least, human use the brain for good use.

im determined to do this!!!

now, whos with me?

2011-11-18T03:21:00.002+08:00

hi everyone.

today there isnt any significant thiings happen. just a typical medical student day.

its just, i feel that the workload is getting bigger and thats all.

i miss malaysia A LOT.

ok no offense. but i miss all the food the most.

HAHAHA.

asik2 cakap pasal food.

ok yg plg rinduu sekali makan tomyam biasenye kiteorg makan waktu weekend kat kedai ikan bakar.

o man...so yummy. and i miss all people in my house.

i wish i can put queens uni in malaysia.

i love belfast really. but it will be nice if belfast is in malaysia instead of UK.

LOL.

since i going to london next 2 weeks, theres lots of things to cover since our exam getting nearer.

and theres 1000 words essay to submit.

i love doing essay.

but the revision part and referencing is not nice part.

badminton and christmas

2011-11-16T08:11:00.003+08:00

today i went to our ritual routine every week, playing badminton!

heeee.

usually, there will be me, yi lin, and fraser. yeah. have i introduced my friend fraser? hahaha. hes local people i mean irish people. he always go play badminton with us.

and what is SO FASCINATING about him is, MUKE DIE SEJIBIK MACAM FAIZ ZULBADLI!!!

u kno faiz? that genius guy in our college before.

i told faiz about this. and he AGREED WITH ME!!!!

he said, yeah, fraser looks like him except for his blond curly hair.

i cant remember whether faiz hair is curly or not. maybe not. but his face exactly the same!

so on the way to PEC, we talk about clubbing.

fraser said he dont like going to clubbing. because he dont like people bump into him. loud nois. all those alcoholic drink. so yeah, he didnt drink..didnt go clubbing. yeah i know. he is so nice right??

VERY VERY hard to find someone like that in anywhere ESPECIALLY NORTHERN IRELAND where alcoholic drink is like a tap water.

fraser is so so sooooo funny. i always laugh like crazy when he playing badminton.

then i had only one good match with irish people today.which is with 3 handsome irish guy.

oh man. that one guy....really really really handsome weh. hes my opponent. his face like got mix mix with rome or italian genes or something. but very rare face i must tell you. and hes so good playing badminton especially when serving. well, all of them guy. so they smash with A LOTS OF POWER. good game. love it.

then the next game, not very good game. play with my senior guy. i dont want to partner with him but have no choice. i dont know if he realize how tight and frustrated my face was when playing the game. i guess he realize it. so he cut off the game when the point is only 11. im so bad right????

i am so PISSED off with him. i feel like my kepale dah berasap2 dah.seriyes kot. huh. i shouldnt have done that to him. oh man. hope he not angry. why on the earth im so mad at him eh????

dude. now when i doing self-reflection i realize it was so totally wrong! i mean its just a game right. pls dont make me partner with him anymore. i just want to be his opponent and smash the ball like crazy at him. HAHAHA. hope no belfast people read this. well he always smash me also. so not gentleman right?? I MEAN, WHO any man GIVE A SUPER-POWER SMASH directly to a girl?!!!

then, i met group of malaysian people coming from dublin. they all chinese. they have volleyball competition in the PEC. they so funny. i like their energy! they so excited to take picture with us..and then talk about malaysia and allz. so energetic.

then talk to alfred. 4th year medical student from hong kong. he telling me how stress his life in emergency department. and bla bla. hahahaha.

and wee jeat..whos from malaysia and SUPER GOOD badminton player. awesome skills, really. no kidding.

then on the way back to home, yi lin, me and fraser having some chitchat about christmas.

fraser said, if you put a stocking in front of the tempat bakar api tu..later santa claus will put present in the stocking.

so i said, can i put my stocking at that tree? (and point to random tree around us)i check it tomorrow and there will be present in there?

fraser said,,yes..but if you wan santa to put present, you must have a christmas tree. not that tree.

but i dont have money to buy christmas tree.

oh no..just have the small christmas tree will do.

oh alright. so i put my socks on the tree and santa will put present like orange and alls eh. but if my sock is smelly, wouldnt the orange be smelly also? how can i eat that orange??

then fraser said, oh man. dont use your stinky socks. you must have a christmas stocking. special one. oh man, dont ever put your smelly socks on the tree. nobody going to go near that tree let alone to put any present in there.

and we laughed.

tapi dalam hati aku cakap,

(are you sure?? i think santa loves my socks especially after playing badminton for 2 hours.hahaha)

spend more. money less.

2011-11-16T01:52:00.002+08:00

hello everyone.

ive just finished with cooking.

duh. everytime i cook, i will spend 2 hours for nothing.

so i guess,its better if i cook for the whole one week, so i dont have to spend lots of time in kitchen.

i love to cook really. but if it consume to much of my time, not worth it eh.

ok kalau korg nak tahu,aku palinggg suke sekali masak ayam masak merah.

kadang2 2 hari berturut2 aku masak yg tu jer lar.

duh. recently, ive been walking around like a tourist too much. and my spending are UNCONTROLLABLE!!!

duh.

i mean,,buying a 25 pound cloth seem so normal for me..ok look lnormal right. convert it to malaysian ringgit. 25x5= 125!!! oh mannnnn/

like seriously.

these are list of all places ive visit recently.

1)dublin

2)giant causeway =20pound

3)notts =180 pound

i am going to london next month.

50 pound for flight ticket.

and then..u kno laa london. confirm shopping tahap gaban.

and this weekend, my friends from dublin coming here. and sur we will be goig to junction one.

and more money spent.

im worried. seriously.

well, if my money finish..sure i will ask my mum to give me more.

but itssss not good right??

to always ask your mum money.

i must learnt to control my spending!

kawen 4?

2011-11-14T03:59:00.003+08:00

hey guyz.

check out this videoo.

HAHAHA.

it kinda tickling my stomach.

wey lawak giler kot video ni.

suami die gi beli groceries ngan 4 org isteri ikot.

wahh..kalau club ni maju...senyum lebarrrrr laaa orang laki pas ni!!!

kahkahhahaaahha

notts game

2011-11-14T00:46:00.002+08:00

salamz everyone.

hehe. how are you guyz?

geeez. i miss my blog so much. if theres a scale of 1 to 10 how much i miss writing in my blog, i would put it at 7.5.

this weekeend has been great. super great. alhamdulillah. many thanks to Him, of course.

i am writing this on sunday. but i tried to preserve the exciting and happy feeling from yesterday (saturday) so i will assume im writing this post on saturday instead of sunday. because now, i am really exhausted. haha. i will try to portary what really happen on saturday WITHOUT being influenced by my moody mood at presence due to excessive tiredness.

on friday, i had study group with my irish friends at mcclay. we discussed about down syndrome and assigne specific job for everyone to do research about it.

then, on the evening, my friends and i met at bus station at 7pm and off we went to city airport belfast.

on saturday, i met with lots of people from kyuem. its a superb event.

well, living in belfast, most people i know here are NEW people. except ONLY for rushdan, whos with me in kyuem, ALL of them i just met them recently. irish people. chinese people. indian. arabian. bruneians. and malaysian people. all brand new.

i seldom met people from kyuem. because most of them studying in the mainlaind UK and im separated with them by the large ocean. so being able to meet A LOT of familiar people from KYUEM LOVELY FAMILY is a superb experience. it made you feel like you are at home again.

i miss that feeling, really. this feeling, when you walk among the crowds and can just stop by for a 10 minutes chat saying hi to people you met passing through really give you AN INCREDIBLE BLAST FEELING when you living in foreign world. really. i dont bluff. i tell you the truth. i miss that feel. i just wish i can put queen uni at malaysia so i can do this thing everyday. HAHA.

at morning, i met eju who comes all the wy from london and kak fatimah. they were competing for batu seremban. then, i met my friend, farhan whos also coming from imperial. hahaha. i was quite shocked to see him. i dont know. i didnt expect hes like that. lol i do wish he didnt read my blog. LOL. and while eju playing batu seremban, we have a chat about study and allz. he complaining about shopping too much buying this and that and study and allz.

then after competition finish, eju and i went to the food festival where theres incredible lotsssss variety of yummy food. ohhhh man. foooood food. i will happily describe this weekend as a FOODY WEEKEND. because everything is just about finding nice food to eat.

then meet hanisah, intan, malin, punca, raman, kayna,alifah,almaz,zikri,jun,hakim,hannan,fira,fara,syaza,alia and amira and the list is endless.

lazy to talk. apart from food, we just spend time talking and socializing with each other,,with people from warwick,london,bath,manch,liverpool and bla2. the great thing about this is just,all these people are great people and they come from all over the england,scotland and ireland just to gather here and talk and make new friends. its so fun! plus the scenery in nottingham is just a perfect backdrop for everything! haha.

then, we went to the sport centre to see match there.

NETBALL

first, netball match. the thing about this match is, geeeeez it was a superb and nice match weh. its very hard to see a good netball match, really. sometimes, it JUST REALLY hurt your eyes to see someone in the team who cannot catch an easy ball from her member. panggil ni, BOLA BOCOR. sakit mata tahu tak.

a good netball match is very precise, neat, accurate, and straight to the rim. perfect for your eyes. give you great satisfaction to see such a match like that.

its hard to find the type of match like this except if you go to the state or district level championship. between school..everything is a mess.

i watched loughborough vs manch. and nott vs cardiff.

notts team is amazing. beautiful girl playing there. beautiful, tall and the most important thing is, shes a very good defence. i love it. she can defend very well. she throw the ball smoothly. grab it tightly. all her footsteps were accurate and nice to see. and the gs was superb!!! all these made me miss playing netball so much. HAHA. but nah, not fair to only praise her. after all, netball is all about teamwork.

BASKETBALL.

yeap. i MUST SAY, that this IS THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE EVERYTHING! hahaha. though the final match between manch and imperial,i wouldnt say its a match at all, but still, watching MANCH team playing will really give you some entertainment.

very good weh. i no kidding you.

people call him, za'ba. but his name is michael. he is VERY GOOD. defend very well. attack SUPER well.

and then during final manch, they won 16-36.

(which really frustrate me because the game is so not a game at all.)

but still, during manch VS nott, theres a game in there.

at least, they only defeated at 27-33.

at night, watched gleeeee with my kmbians friends at kak aled house. and paranormal activity 3! =D

okla im tired to death.

conclusion:

awesome weekend.

broken considered sold!

2011-11-05T00:20:00.003+08:00

today we leant how to take blood form patient!!

let me teach you orite?

1)wash hand with special soap in the hospital. theres a proper way to wash your hand. theres like 5 step. please google yourself orite?

2)collect your equipment.needle,apron,all that.

3)say hello to patient.check his wrist band whether its the right patient. ask ifits ok to take blood. introduce yourself

4)take blood.

5)dispose.

so easy right?

i take real blood weh. no kidding!

and then..the best part,,i talk to like..ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN OUR BATCH!

my god.

ok. im a very good observer. i always observe things in our lecture theatre.

theres many type of group.

one group, who always sit right in front of the class. so the lecturer will notice their face. and they can answer question with no diffuculty when lecturer ask something. they are the nerdy people. always infront. always at the first. wearing this big spectacles. haha. not neccessary la.

another group..is bunch of beautiful girlss. and rich girls.

they wear nice dress and sweaters,

nice handbag.

have that cute and lovely dimples when they give you smile.

red powder on their cheeks.

mascara. long eye lashes.

and mosttt prominent...BEAUTIFUL lovely brown hair. or gold hair. its super lovely. you can see the hair shining from FAR away. and you know, they have spent quite lots of money on it.

and not to forget, well polished nails. and cute shoes.

well yeah, i met amy and leah today. they are so friendly. we talked for quite long. they talking about halloween party. and i told them about raye korban coming. and they were shocked. hahaha. LOL. aku bgtahu la korg rahsie eh. aku selalu laa usha si amy ni. die ni CUNNNNN giler kowt. seriyes. aku selalu tengok dr jauh jer. admiring her beauty. and thinking, no way i will eventually talk to her. she is just too beautiful. her brown hair is the most SUPER fabulous part.

and leah is soooo tall. and her skin is..omaigod,,so beautiful and smooth like a silk.

i told her that her skin so nice..then she said, my skin is nicer. really?? haha.

talking to beautiful girls who look like angel like them, reallyyyy made my day! =D

hahahaha. sorry no offense. its just, they are so nice to see. good for your eyes.

nice to hold nice to see. broken considered sold!

biomedical and health

2011-11-04T06:48:00.006+08:00

have you ever experience pain and then come to doctor, when the doctor didnt give you any drug, you feel offended.

well, i always do.

my mum is a doctor. when i got sick, i always complaint at her, saying that maybe i need a surgery to fix this illness. maybe some drugs? some instrument to see what really behind my skin and muscles? to see what happen to my internal organ? is it bruise?

i want something objective! i want some prescriptions from her. i keep bugging her. always.

''mum!! i feel sick! i want a drug now!!''

''then, my mum asked me, why you feel sick? are you been stressing out yourself before? what about your food consumption? did you eat lots of junk food lately? maggie?''

''no, i dont want to answer that. i am sick. i want to fix myself now. and i want to fix myself with drug. or maybe you should scan me. or do any necessary surgery to fix me back to my normal state!''

yes. patient usually come to the clinic when they sick, and expect doctor to fix them by giving them drugs! drug is objective. lots of us love objective thing. because they are fix. they are predictable. they are experimentally proved to be efficient. all of us want something that is 99% correct isnt it?

but no. in medical world, it shouldnt have function that way. NOT all sickness or illness are produced by PATHOGEN solely! not all sickness can only be cured by drugs!

it might be youve been in lots of stress recently. or theres underlying pressure you feel inside of you, but you didnt even recognize that presence. because its under the ''-minda-separuh-sedar''.

doctor has to analyze you from 3 aspects..

your biological, psychological and social dimensions of your illness.

how you feeling lately. how you are behaving. your culture belief. your religious belief. family. friends. genetics. environment. food.exercising routine. have you been relaxing yourself or not? your working environment.

is your illness induced by people around you?

for example, people around you saying you are OBESE or FAT. (because all your friends are just so skinny and bulimia or whatever it is) then you feel self-conscious. you want to go to doctor and talk about that obesity illness. maybe you are still in your healthy BMI. but you are influenced by other people around you saying you are fat!

next example,you feel that you have a backpain. because you have been working on desk for long hours. then you want to go to doctor and get some drugs for the back pain.

this is all biomedical model of health.

it consumes lots of money to the goverment when you can just cure the back pain just by having some exercise in between your work. or just by eating good food. and have more social support.

sometimes, the illness is just in your head.

if one person feel that he need a drug that caused rm10 per box when he didnt really need that, that will generate about rm100000 if 1000 people think the same thing.

maybe focus should be more on deviating the money to something worth like research for cancer or HIV vaccine instead of to cure something that is only in your head?

these are some critics of biomedicine itself:

(Ann Fam Med. 2004 November; 2(6): 576–582.doi: 10.1370/afm.245)

1)biochemical alteration does not translate directly into illness. sometimes, every illness in your head is just caused by other factors! there is no health problem at all. for example, when you talk to someone, you often cant hear what they talking. they said u r deaf. go see doctor. so you think, there might be problem in your ear. and you started to feel some pain in your ear.

but the truth is, theres nothing in there. your friend just speak so slow. LOL.

2)symptoms that patient tell can LIE. symptoms are subjective. so they might not be the correct sign at all.exaggerated!

3)adopting sick role only for people who are sick by pathogen!

4)hahah. this is quite interesting. the success of most biological of treatments is influenced by psychosocial factors!!! (placebo effect). it means that..when you eat the drugs...its because your mindset it...this drug will definitely cure me because it has cured million of people before!!!

so, replace that drug with just a bunch of poweder. and u will still be cured!!! but with LESS MONEY SPENT ON THAT DRUG!!! AMAZING isnt it?!!

6)patient-clinician relationship influences medical outcomes. well, yeah definitely true!!! if you get a very fierce doctorr who scold u most of the time, is it going to worsen your illness?

and imagine you get a doctor who looks like ANGEL!!! u think u will be cured faster?

yes yes. now, when you feel sick, just think properly. are you really sick? do you really need drug?

genetics and dealing with life

2011-11-04T05:20:00.002+08:00

do you rely on genetic a lot??

well, i do.

i always rely on genetics.

genetics dont cheat!

they are very objective!

they know what you are going to be when you are 30 years old..or 40..or 50..

they enable you to determine what you will be when you are 20 or 30 or 40. look at your mum and dad! that might be probably be you in the future. it wont change very much. because, you have their DNA!! all DNA in your body are the combination of theirs. so how you want to run from their shadow right? look at your siblings. your cousin. your aunties and uncles. they all are YOU but with slightly different genetic varieties.

we live in a world,,with full of demand, and hence, full with stress activator.

as a human being, we MUST know how to handle our stress.

stress can increase your blood pressure.

it can reduce your immune system efficiency.

however stressful your life is, find something to make you deal with it properly.

self control. optimism.social support.

it is very important for us to manage our stress because if we didnt do that, we might be getting illness from that. for example, high tendency of eating, which can lead to obesity.

be optimistic!

have that confidence that you can control certain outcome. take control of your life. make sure you are surrounded by lovely people. people who give support to you, emotionally, spiritually and physically (errkk??). and insyaallah..you will be happy again.

but theres an urgency for all of us to realize that, Allah is there for us. insyaallah, that will reduce your stress to tolerable level oraite

deal with your stress, for a better future life! =D

iman and islam

2011-11-01T05:51:00.003+08:00

oh crap. have u heard about the new that KIM KARDASHIAN is filing a divorce to her husband kris,,after only 72 marriage??

i am so pity.

i am pity of myself.

but i pity them more.

what is marriage is about?!!!!

its all about earning money for her.

this make me loathe this world much much more than ever.

i want to cry,,knowing that someone hass actually fool the love for money.

faking everything.

my life is hard.

but i still have Allah. when i think about HIM, i feel happiness, and serenity, that i still have chance and hope to improve myself.

but THEM!

they dont have Allah.

i wanted to cry. imagining myself in their position everyday.

working..eating..socializing..without Allah in their life.

ya alllllahhhhh..how hard can that be!!!

how miserable their heart is!

how miserable they are!

everyday..trying to find something to entertain themselves..trying to find something that work!!!!!

but all that do not bring lifelong happiness...

isnt that great???

iman and islam!!

now i can appreciate it more.

all i can say is...i really pity them

i hope ALLAH will keep me and us in this right path.

and guide us.

2011-10-31T08:46:00.002+08:00

yesterday was saturday.

i went to giant causeway with lots of my friends here in belfast.

the trip was super wonderful. subhanaallah!

its so amazing. its like a moving picture.

every single second was a blast yesterday!! alhamdulillah..

thank you Allah for letting me see this beautiful part of your creations.

its ebbing away

2011-10-29T10:15:00.006+08:00

its 4 am in the morning now. i cant sleep. im having a difficulty getting into sleep this past few days. oh gudness..its really killing my nerves!

well, late night,,and ive been doing some thinking...

what does it feel like....to live everyday..

with believe that God did not exist?

if you ask me back the question, i would not last long until 1 day to at most one week.

how do someone, walking around in this beautiful earth..without knowing that someone will take care of him..

that theres someone who will love him no matter what happen to him..

no matter how bad other people treat him..

how someone can live knowing that he has no specific direction in life..

no objective to be achieved except for his ownself, for his own living..

how someone can live based on laws that other vulnerable people as him had made before..

without any divine law that are specific, and unchangeable.

it is hard eh?

to think about how someone can actually live without the believe in god.

i will go astray. i will weep out of my eyes if God wants to leave me alone.

if He wants to stop taking care of me.

if He refuse to take care of me.

na'uzubillah.

it is just occur to me that...

some people can actually survive the harsh feeling everyday..

every morning when they wake up..

and either do not have time to think

or the thinking process is just too painful to experience..

that somehow, behind those stones and bushes...

behind those traffics and cars and fumes in everyday life...

that...

we are still trying to find the scattered pieces of our life.

it is like the waves at the seaside...

you hear that sound of waves.

but as its getting night when the tide ebbing..

you thought you still hear the same volume of the waves..

but the truth is..its getting farther..and farther from you..

unless you mark the initial tide, you wont even know at the first place that...now the tide has moved farther. and you are further steps away...from the opposite island. that you hope to reach.

dear allah.

please dont let us go astray.

2011-10-29T09:31:00.002+08:00

im going to change my blog url.

what i mean by that is, i will make a new blog

because this blog...

is..

just..lifeless.

will give you the url later orite!

chicken curry

2011-10-26T22:03:00.002+08:00

hello everyone.

today..i went back home after class. feeling so hungry.

i was thinking of cooking, but then i realized i need to cover lots of thing for my study.

so off i go to my table and open guyton & hall book. after 5 pages of deep thinking (5pages=2 hours..hurt eih?)..my stomach made some weird sound.

ahah. that must be the smooth muscle surrounding my stomach making that sound asking me to fill in more glucose.

well, i only had one cup of oat during morning. no wonder it making so much sound.

so..i give that big sigh. erghhhh. cooking is so distracting!

so off i go to kitchen. hurm what do i want to cook today.

yeah..i will try cook curry!

last time i saw my grandmum cook..it was so easy.

so...campor2 bahan sume sume..

the result is....:

my god! i have never taste curry like this!

dis is not a curry.

i dont know what to name dis dish. but it definitely not the same taste like i ve curry before.

huewwwh. nice try. next time.... TUMIS DULU KARI TU LAH!

2011-10-19T01:41:00.002+08:00

semue orang ade masalah yang tersendiri.

there is time..

bile aku tngok kat papan putih mempamer2kan slide2 lecturer aku kat belfast ni..

it just come across me...will i ever be able to do this?

boleh ke aku survive bende ni?

lg 5 tahun lagi perjalanan aku..

its so long.

theres so many uncertainty in this world.

aku tak tahu la..

maybe aku tak sempat habiskan pelajaran 5 tahun aku pun...

sebab:

1)aku ade penyakit yang tak membolehkan aku belajar

2)mara takde duit nak sponsor

3)ade sesuatu yang berlaku..

theres just too many uncertainty in this world. sometimes..i just stare at the blue cloud...

tryingg to see what is my fate in the future.

i want Him to protect me from all the bad thing...

but am i doing things that He wants me to do?

grateful

2011-10-18T20:00:00.003+08:00

“Dan sedikit sekali hamba-hambaKu yang bersyukur” [Saba' 34: 13]

may all of us be among His servant..who always remember Him no matter what condition we are in..wherever we are...

always say alhamdulillah..and remember..everything come from him...

we are here because of His blessing!

halal food? duh

2011-10-17T21:08:00.003+08:00

today, my irish friends, sara and emma asked me to join the free lunch at student union.

im very very reluctant to go there.

but,,they all so eager to invite me. they said, come on, what we can loose from there.

i amfraid of any hidden wine they put here and there.

i really want to go back. but do not have courage to say that. hahaha.

then, off we go to the student union.

there are 3 types of drink provided.

1)orange

2)apple and blueberry..

the drink is purple colour,,so i excluded it form beginning.

3)plain water..but its in the bottle.

i was thinking of taking the plain water..but then,,its not yet open..

so i choose the orange drink. my god. i hope, theres no wine in here..i was praying hard. hahaha.

then, the other friends of me met us, and off we sit in on table..

then theres sadwinches. they offer me the sandwich. i took one with tuna inside. again, i hope theres no wine or gelatin or whatever in here. its tuna right????

so we socialize for so long during lunch. actually, im the one wearing tudung there. because this free lunch is actually about the bible2 thing.

i told sara...that i dont feel good going. but she insists.

then, theres talk about.....

''Hell : is God a sadist''

kah kah kah.

what la. then i discussed with sara about the topic.

i mean...if theres no hell, its not fair laa for people who do cruelty to other people and they dont get punish.

sara offer me some more sandwich...i said, i want to diet. the truth is, i dont want to eat something im not sure until i get full. kahkah.

overall, i hope i dont feel dizzy.

i hope no pork in there.

i hope,,,my flesh is clean from unhalal foooood.

friends...and assigment

2011-10-16T03:35:00.002+08:00

today i chatted with my friend from india...

she was closed to me before, back in kyuem.

when i chat with her,,i feel like crying. i was so touched. i dont know, whether im touched because i miss her so much, or because i care for her, or because, i dont want her to feel sad, or i feel the sadness inside her,,or i feel the experience she has to go through..

i wanted to cry.

but, i dont know. it will bring no use for her, or for me. but maybe my heart already cry.

i want her to be tough.

i want her to know, that i will always be beside her, no matter what.

i want her to know, that i will hold her hands...and give every assurance she needs to overcome any difficulties in this world.

i want to hold her hand..and be with her no matter how hard the test is given.

because i know how it feels..........

pengajaran:

always be grateful..and enjoy your life.

speaking about enjoyment. kah3.

today i talked with my med school classmate. we were discussing about essay assigment. i told him, i was so worried of my assignment.

he said, well, u only need to send on 26th its still long way to go.

i said, its not good to do thing in last minute.

he said, ''no thats a very very wrong perception. we have to do all things last minute..so we can enjoy every bit of our life.''

''finish the assigment first, then u can enjoy ur life''

''when u finish ur assigment, there will be more and more assignment, and u will never have the time to appreciate and enjoy your life''

''ahah.thats a very very wrong philosophy. hear i tell you. never do thing last minute. finish it early, so u can enjoy early for the rest of the day..this is a very famous philosophy! people has been practicing this for a long time..''

''who say that? whos the philosopher?''

''me?''

so how do you think?

finish it early then only u enjoy your life..

or finish it last minute..so before that u can enjoy your life to the max..

2011-10-13T04:07:00.000+08:00

I AM SO BORED!

2011-10-10T05:10:00.001+08:00

there are differences between friends and colleagues.

health

2011-10-08T05:23:00.003+08:00

do u afraid of disease?

im afraid of disease. im afraid of the state of being unhealthy.

believe me, it will be so awful, and u feel like u dont want to live in this world. how sunny outside is, u will be sad.

well, i think i have an awesome life, alhamdulillah. even here in belfast, i got friends, who will just give me text asking do i reach my house safely?

sometimes i think, if i get a disease, will my friend be there with me..supporting me..

or will they just leave me alone rotten to death.

i know..my friends here in belfast...i can depend on them...they are all great doctors to be! but they are also human. can they actually take away the disease from me?

i dont want to experience pain...

theres just too many bacteria and virus in this world. anything can happen. a little detergent that irritates my immune system can cause a liver failure. and i am now without my liver.

human is so fragile. if u open up your body, u will be nothing except a mix of stinky fluids and organs..lots of bacteris..which will give lots of awful odour... u r now,, without any of that stink smell, just because the help of the skin!

open up the skin..and everything is exposed!

its like u go shopping with a plastic bac. when the plastic bag can no longer afford those things u bought, it will tear out,,and all those thing will fall apart...

what a fragile human being.

i pray that all of us.......bestowed with health..and blessing from Allah..

do appreciate your healthy now. because...anytime, it might not be there anymore.

rugby

2011-10-06T00:14:00.002+08:00

today i went to field to play rugby!

haha. seriously, it was fun!!!

when we were playing..suddenly it was raining so bad!!! so heavy rain. and the coach told us to keep playing.

it tried to pin down a 75 kg girl...damn. shes so big. i cannot pin her down at all. i end up clinging on her waist.. and she managed to put the ball at the line. and shes so fast wehh!!!

i cant even bring the ball toward the end line.

but it was reallly reallly fun.

maybe i will wait until someone really smack me in my face with their shoulder..or someone step on my waist and broke my rib..only then i will stop playing this.

ohh my beloved shoulder. im sorry i have to put you in this position. but its so much fun to miss the game just like that.

patient safety

2011-10-04T06:35:00.002+08:00

today in medical school, there was one lecture, about Patient's Safety.

it is a story about young, energetic boy, named Kevin Murphy. who died at 20 year old just because theres some miscommunication at the hospital.

because the nurse was not taking it too seriously about handing the note about his urine to the right people.

because the GP was too busy to consider his illness as a serious condition. instead the gp just said, it will get back to normal, when it is not.

the gp didnt see his patient's health and condition seriously.

keving once said, the he wants to be a doctor. but he changed his mind, because he afraid he might d a mistake and cause other people's life.

yes, being a doctor is not an easy job. i dont mean that other job is easier than doctor. no, my focus is, everyone who has the inspiration to be a doctor must not take it for granted. he must not want to be a doctor just because the status and glamour because if thats the case, he will jeopardize his patients!

being a doctor, you are responsible for other people's health. the patients might put all of their trust on you. so wouldnt u feel guilty, to tell your patient that everything will be alright and undercontrol when you yourself dont even know what disease you are dealing with.

yes, being a doctor, we have to know our own limitations. doctor are human. they are not god. they cannot know everything. so, instead of saying, ''dont worry i can handle this. i learnt it for 10 years in med school,,i know everything'' doctor should say, ''i will try to discuss with senior level and collect validity and relevancy about the diagnosis.''

yes, humble. doctor do not have that power to cure people. they are just the tool from Allah. they must know their limitations and not doing something to gain something in return.

from this story, i realized that being a doctor has come to a more personal level. that i need to learn not because to pass my exam, but to be able to answer the disease that surrounded my patients in the future. to be able to solve their health problem. to give them more hope when theres no hope can be seen. to show them alternative path, when the current path is too severe fr them to handle.

spain spain spanish!

2011-10-04T03:41:00.002+08:00

haish. pening kepale i nak plan trip to spain nih.

i mean, nak plan tip tu senang.

tapi nak mengkomfirmkan org utk pergi tu yg susah..

senang2...pergi ngan budak belfast je lah!!

hahahaha.

so trip kali ni..yang dirancang untuk ke spain!!!! winter trip!

oh spain tak winter lg waktu tu ye.

estimate duit yg perlu dibelanja:

1)flight tickets

160POUND pergi balik

2)travel kat sane

basic travel : 50 euro

additional travel maybe 30 euro

3)accomdation

60 euro per person

4)makan

80 euro

total up 400 euro.

i hope its worth the time and money!

besday girl

2011-10-01T15:44:00.002+08:00

cepatnye masa berlalu. last time, i was in my primary school, in my classroom, counting time to go back, and play bicycle in the evening.

last time, my beloved sister Ainol was a baby, cannot talk and run, cannot swim,, all she can do is just stare at us.

and now, shes already 7 years old little girl!!

happy besday to my baby ainol!!! hahahaha

I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!!

and I LOVE YOU!!!

i love you the way you are =p

crab tree

2011-09-14T12:33:00.004+08:00

ok i am really worried of myself. my shopping spree is uncontrollable anymore.

if this keep going, i will be totally broke and pokai after one month.

at uk, theres lots of crab tree shop.

i want crab treeeeeeee -_-

its 20 pound for one bottle.

and...

wait a minute..

that i rm100!!

yes, its cheaper compared to malaysia. but do i want to spend rm100 every month for shampoo?

can get body shop shower gel for 2 pound..crazy cheap. my goodness.

2011-09-12T19:01:00.001+08:00

hi guyz! hehe. boleh tak saye tetibe nak rase excited?

FlightNo: MH0004
Operated by: Malaysia Airlines
Depart:	Kuala Lumpur - Kuala Lumpur International Airport (KUL), Terminal: M Sunday September 18, 2011 10:05am
Arrive:	London - Heathrow Airport (LHR), Terminal: 4 Sunday September 18, 2011 4:15pm
Stops	Non Stop
Meals	Yes
Total Duration:	13hrs10min
Aircraft:	744-Boeing 747-400 Passenger
Distance	10620km

FlightNo: MH9600
Operated by: bmi
Depart:	London - Heathrow Airport (LHR), Terminal: 1 Sunday September 18, 2011 7:20pm
Arrive:	Belfast - George Best City Airport (BHD) Sunday September 18, 2011 8:35pm
Stops	Non Stop
Meals	Yes
Total Duration:	01hrs15min
Aircraft:	EQV-Equipment Varies
Distance	504km

If

2011-09-11T22:01:00.000+08:00

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

-rudyard kipling-

definition. who decides?

2011-09-09T19:11:00.004+08:00

its hard to define happiness.

is happiness when we already have everything we want in our hand?

or is happiness when we didnt get what we want, but we have what we need?

is happiness all about fulfilling our needs and wants?

is it just that?

is that means, sadness is when we didnt get what we want?

now i must be glooming with lots of sadness if i say to myself that i want the universe to be a yellow colour instead of black.

I DONT KNOW!

dont ask me.

this world is full of question marks.

i do not feel good. recently, i always feel something is missing.

maybe its symptom before fly. meeting new people.

nah.

people always want to give reason!.

because they dont want to admit that they are just as pathetic as other people are.

now i realized the significant of the life after death. actually, thats the only thing that makes us ALL still SANE AND ALIVE!

saving the world.

2011-09-04T20:04:00.002+08:00

Have you ever watched the famous PowerPuff Girls? I used to watch it every morning at 7 am before I went to school, along with my big brother. Its like our unofficial daily breakfast alongside those cereals and milk. We would be awed when every time Buttercup give that glowing orange source of light and kill the Mojojo, and end up their names being mention in the television because of their heroic action.

I do not know what attracted me the most about that cartoon, but watching it everyday at 7am instead of sleeping, certainly attracted my attention. I must love, at that time, the sense of I am able to help the world, to save a lot of people, and given a cloud of claps form citizen an appealing experience for me. Well, most people does like the popularity, what more for a little kid.

And then, when I grow up more, I stopped watching it, and instead start to hear about politics. Where leader start to oppress other people, bribery, killing people who do not consent with their thoughts, lots of poor people. And that’s where some people started to ask, what you would do if you are the president?

As a naïve girl as I am, I said, well, I will build hospitals, schools, give all the poor people money so they can live happily, make more money and more money and distribute it. That is how simple answer for a 10 years old kid.

When I learned that, 2 plus 2 doesn’t always equal to 4, I started to think, when I give the money to the poor, how about the rich people? Will they be mad at me because I distribute the tax payer money to someone who didn’t strive hard enough to earn a decent living for themselves?

When I started to build more hospital, will there be enough doctors and machine equipment to equip the hospital so that it can function wisely? Or is it just going to be lots of building with ‘’hospital’’ sign but couldn’t treat even a single staph infection?

When I started to curb the bribery in my government, will I be living in fear of knowing someone might be waiting the oppoturnity to snipe and pass a bullet through my lung?

When I started to build more school, how can I ensure the school will produce more leaders and tax payers instead of more robbers, killers and depressed people.

Let say when I have put everything in its place, how do I know that thing is in its place? When this world is in peace, and theres no such thing as burglary or killing, when kids can go to school walking along the road without fear of being kidnapped, will the evil world completely erased from the saurus?

How long I want to save the world.

Its what everyone wants to do. See all those movies and drama, about hero having that super power trying to save the world, and the viewers and spectators ratings rocketed up high sky. We just love hero. I bet that trait must be lying dominantly in our ancestors double helix. But in the real life, how much is our effort towards being that hero?

maybe instead of looking to save the world, we should start to save ourselves, and our family first. look inside deeply, and ask, are we those who need more help than them or otherwise? some people just don't realize.

decision

2011-09-04T18:20:00.003+08:00

how do you know that a decision uve made is perfect for you?

every day in our life, we have to make decision. i heard this from television series, '' the difference between me and you is, i made a bad decision, and you made a good decision''.

defie bad and good in that situation!

i know. sometimes, we just dont know what should we choose.but as a doctor, making a decision is one of the most crucial part in their job, and thats what make me little anxious.

just imagine. one decision can change the whole life of the patient.

let say if i am sick, would i want to hear differential diagnosis from a doctor, who i just met 2 hours ago, to decide whether i will still breathing oxygen into my lung or surrounded by soils in the graveyard when i wake up?

cute

2011-09-02T13:46:00.004+08:00

Wise and Fools

2011-08-24T10:51:00.002+08:00

Wise is the one who takes control over his self, and works for what comes after death, and foolish is the one who gives in to his desires and fancies Allah swt will grant him immunity~ Rasulullah saw.

absurd medical fees. or is it really?

2011-08-21T10:46:00.004+08:00

one day, i was following my cousin to accompany my uncle for his regular medical check up. it was an exciting experience everytime i get to see how the doctor actually interacts with their patients. i love to scrutiinze the doctor, watching how she maintain her eye contact, when she will smile after saying certain phrases, and when she will give that serious face, telliong her patient that what she saying is a serious matter. i love it. every single detail is like something that is planned and fabricated long before. every move is a practiced act from those long medical practice she has had before.

the doctor came into the room, with her head held high, and i can sense the confident in her. and she approach my uncle and asked, how you doing today?

yes, im fine. but i want so badly to go back.

oh you can go back, but you will have to wait for the blood to come.

and bla3.

then she checked his blood pressure. and talk a little bit. total maximum is about 5 minutes. and bye bye doctor.

guess what do they charge for that? for a doctor to ask, how are you, and pumping the equipment for measuring blood pressure, its rm200. rm 200 for 5 minutes talking.

what do you think?

you may think it is absurd.

at first sight, i think its ridiculous. so expensive?

but lets count again.

rm20 for her hard work in medical school

rm10 for her struggle just to get into med school

rm10 for her gruelling training as house officer in hospitals.

rm50 for her 15 work of experience

rm50 for her hardwork in specialist training.

rm50 for her tuition fees in medical school

rm10 for her having to repeat any exam that she failed during med school

HAHAHAHA.

combine it. and tadaaa. rm200.

sometimes you might think, rm200 for 5 minutes is ridiculous.

but imagine, if in that 5 minutes, the doctor detect something unusual, the red blood count is too low. the potassium level is hiking so high.

for that fees, the doctor not only tell you what is wrong with your body, she also tell you what could have been wrong, what to do to not make it wrong, what is the cause of the wrong.

so i guess, i don't mind spending that kind of money, for an efficient doctor, as long as he/she can make sure my healthy is back to normal. nah. if you are so greedy and snobby with your money for health, just subcribe prudential they can insure your health for about 550k!!! man, that is real heaven. with 550k, i can live the whole year in prince court hospital.

i know Allah got that power to cure people. He decides. but haven't you read in quran, He wouldnt change something if we didnt struggle first to change it?

personality creates a diversity

2011-08-20T22:28:00.002+08:00

hi my friends. im thinking about changing my blog again. maybe i will tell you later, if i feel to do so.

have you ever walk in the middle of a crowded city, and suddenly you started to scrutinize every single people around you. when i ask you this question, you could expect that ive did it myself before. im amazed with the variety of features and faces produced by the random combination of gametes during the fertilization. all these is such a superb wonder!

some people has a small eye, big mouth, over-pressed nose like my sister, and some have big eyes, and wider mouth. hah. it is not about the features that i want to talk about. its the uniqueness of every single of us that make me wonder.

the same goes with personality. long ago before this, when i was not really an adult, i thought, every person MUST have the same personality, they must finish their homework at night and be able to send it to teacher without delay. any diffculty of doing that is just a matter of lazy and hardworking student. the same goes with, every child or teenager, is expected to be very neat, and not putting their clothes messing around in house, talk carefully to parents, and all those good thing. but then, now i realize, i am wrong. definitely wrong.

every one has their own personality.

let say, A is very neat. he didnt like any even tiny rubbish shattered around in house. even a single of ash attracted his attention. his mum like him because, well, without being told or scold, he will make sure the house is completely clean.

but well, B is different. he don't really like to pay attention to detail like A. he dont really see any little things. because all he see everyday is KLLC, homework to be done, football game to attend. his room, you know la boyz room, is like a tongkang pecah. everyday, no matter how frequent his mother come to collect the dirty cloth scattered on the floor, it will be back like the default environment, messy. his mom is already fed up at him. not only that B didnt clean up his own room, he also love to make lots of mess around the house. for example, reading magazine and didnt put it back in place.

at first sight, you can see that A is an ANGEL and B is the devil. if you are counsellor, you might want to spend some time with B, talking about his attitude that will bring misery and difficulty to other people. telling him that he should change his attitude so other people can live a better life.

and give some present to A as he has become a PERFECT child.

apparently, to tell the real story, living in the A house is much more DIFFICULT and MISERABLE than B house.

because A is addicted to cleanliness, he can never see any dirty in the house. he spent most of his time making sure that everything is clean. like a little sugar scattered at kitchen, must be promptly wipe up with ajax fabuloso. little dirt in front of the house. and list goes on.as a result, he frequently left his homework untouched. and end up being scolded by teacher everyday at school. his teacher called his mother and complaint about his lack of effort in school.

and B end up being a brilliant student in school.

well well well, maybe the situation is quite rare. but all i want to say is, start to appreciate every personality that your friends have. don't judge them. accept them for whoever they are. because if everyone has the same personality like you, nerd, study hard, obedient, bookworm, and bla3, then this world has been gone long long ago. because each personality creates a diversity.

so that we can become complementary to each other. we fit perfectly with each other in this diverse society. that is the most super wonder of Allah's creation for us to look carefully, and end up saying, He is The Greatest God, SUBHANALLAH.

perfect happiness

2011-08-17T07:37:00.003+08:00

salam..

hows your ramadhan? it has been a while since the lst time i update this blog.

theres so many things happen..

result a level is out.

eventhough, alhamdulillah, i have an offer to go to belfast,

i still feel sad in my heart. some of my friends didnt have the grade to fly.

i do. i feel sad for them. i know how they feel.

when you have worked really hard for something, and you have built a lot of dreams on it...

that someday, you will be there in your dream, living it to the fullest..

colour your dream with colour of happiness and serenity....

and all of sudden, all of it just scattered, like a glass shattered on the ground.

Ya allah, how this world is full of sad thing...

2 years ago, i saw somone saying in her profile, ''i loathe this world'' and how i wonder, what a pathetic life she is having to loathe such a beautiful world like this.

and now, ive understand every single meaning of that world.

even now, I, loathe this world.

i longed for the color, but it didnt come.

theres nothing like perfect happiness in my life.

i get that, i lost this. its like the law of equality. the amount of happiness stay the same no matter what happen. in. out. in. out.

this world is meant to be loathe.

to my friends out there, i know how you guyz feeling, yet i couldnt help even a little bit. all you can do is, to accept this as a fate.

because He knows what is best for you. and for me.

Sun, Moon, and Yusuf

2011-07-27T07:52:00.004+08:00

salamz!

wah. ramadhan is really getting nearer and nearer. what do you feel? to be truth, i actually feel kinda nervous, and little bit of scary. not that im scared of the ramadhan coming. but im scared that i will lose in this month. ramadhan is a month of race. everything is always about getting as much as possible of reward from the Holy Month.

its about...you and all your friends, have this golden oppoturnity to enter a castle which is full of gold, money and yeah, chocolate! your job is, in one month, you have to take as many as possible you can, and bring it out with glory and happiness.

its always about a competition who gets the most at the end of the month!

so, dont you dare to tell me you are not interested in the bunch of shining gold!

its what everyone should be pursuing like crazy!

alhamdulillah. i hope we will pursue this healthy competition with might and happiness..just to find His blessings. =)

well i have just finish reading surah yusuf. have you ever read it in full story? i have been reading it several times before in my life, but suddenly, this time i grab what the story is about! its so TOUCHING! its like the indon sinetron, except this is a story from Allah swt! the director of the story is Allah!! subhanallah! its awfully AWESOME right?

chapter 1
well, the story begin like this. theres one day, yusuf has a dream. he dream about 11 stars (kaukaban..not really sure what it means..lol), a sun, and moon..they are worshipping him (sujud). so he feels weird about the dream. why sun sujud at him?

so he think he should talk to his father. his father, having the ability to interpret the dream, he said to his beloved son, dont tell this to your other sibling as they might hold grudge on you.

one day, siblings of yusuf said to each other,,
''dad is so biased! he loves YUSUF the most! thats unfair. we should kill him''
and the other one said, ''no maybe we dont have to kill him. we should just throw him into the deserted well. he wouldnt be alive there by the way. and we would not kill him. we just left him there.''
the other said, ''ahah! thats a good idea! so first plan is, how can we take yusuf to the jungle and get permission of our father.im sure he will be reluctant to let us play with his beloved yusuf!''

''lets just try''

so off they asked Yaakob whether they can take yusuf to play at jungle.

and yaakob, being a protectice father said, ''im afraid when you are so absorbed with your activity you will neglect your brother yusuf, and something bad will happen to him''

they said, ''no, father. we are protectice brothers of yusuf! how could we let him go astray when our eyes will be 24 hours guarding him all the time?''

so the father succumbed to it and said, ''okay then but just be extra careful okay?''

so off they go to the jungle and play along. of course, arriving there, they put yusuf down in the well and hope that he will die there from hunger or drought.

as they come back, they told their father about the sad news. in the jungle, it was said that the brothers told yusuf to guard their belongings while they go somewhere else for a while. and when they come back, yusuf has already being eaten by wolf or any animals of any kind. and they also bring along yusuf's garment, soaked with blood. (animal blood). the father was so sad. he couldnt believe it. but he said, be patient as Allah love people with patience.

chapter 2

while back to the well middle of dessert. there was 2 travellers strolling there to find water. and when they look into the well, one of them said, ''my gosh, theres someone in there! what a good news! we can sell him back at the mesir!''

so they bring yusuf to mesir and sell him. theres one rich businessman interested at yusuf. he said to his wife, ''im sure he will bring us benefit. maybe he can be our son. or a useful workers''

but later on, it turns out that the wife of the businessman has fallen in love with yusuf! HAHAHA! so one day, she express her feeling to yusuf. she is a beautiful women. the wife of a rich businessman at mesir at that time. she is not used to someone rejecting her. one day, she was with yusuf in a room, so she think this is the best time to tell him about how she is feeling.

''yusuf..i have a strong feeling for you. do you have the same feeling for me??'' she asked with little bit of hesitation. yusuf also like the women. but she is the wife of other people. so he has to resist himself. he said, ''nope. i wont do anything against what Allah has forbidden me to do''.

so the wife feel desperate and fill with mad. she run after yusuf and tore his garment. and thats when his husband come and said, ''hey whats happening over here? whats the fuss is about?''

the wife said, ''well..ask yusuf. hes trying to do harm to me! just put him in prison!''

---

you know what? im going to continue this story later. haha.

hayat

2011-07-26T08:47:00.003+08:00

i cam across a verse from quran..its in either surah taubah or yunus..

Allah said in Quran..this world..living in this world is like planting a wheat (any tanaman lah) in a field..

you plant it..you put lots of water.you hope it will grow fast and tall. you want the maze to grow very tall. you watch it everyday. you put fertilizers, pesticides. you mix the genetic of the parent plant with the most strong genes you got..

and at the end, when the plant has grow tall, Allah will take it back. anytime He wants.

as simple as that.

100 great books!

2011-07-25T10:11:00.000+08:00

here are the 100 best novels of the 20th century, according to Modern Library:

ULYSSES by James Joyce
THE GREAT GATSBY by F. Scott Fitgerald
A POTRAIT OF AN ARTIST AS YOUNG MAN by James Joyce
LOLITA by Vladamir Nabokov
BRAVE NEW WORLD by Aldous Huxley
THE SOUND AND THE FURY by William Faulkner
CATCH-22 by Joseph Heller
DARKNESS AT NOON by Arthur Koestler
SONS AND LOVERS by D. H. Lawrence
THE GRAPES OF WRATH by John Steinbeck
UNDER THE VOLCANO by Malcolm Lowery
THE WAY OF FLESH by Samuel Butler
1984 by George Orwell
I, CLAUDIUS by Robert Graves
TO THE LIGHTHOUSE by Virginia Wolffe
AN AMERICAN TRAGEDY by Theodore Dreiser
THE HEART IS A LONELY HUNTER by Carson McCullers
SLAUGHTERHOUSE FIVE by Kurt Vonnegut
INVISIBLE MAN by Ralph Ellison
NATIVE SON by Richard Wright
HENDERSON THE RAIN KING by Saul Bellow
APPOINTMENT IN SAMARRA by John O’Hara
U.S.A.(trilogy) by John Dos Passos
WINESBURG, OHIO by Sherwood Anderson
A PASSAGE TO INDIA by E.M. Forster
THE WINGS OF THE DOVE by Henry James
THE AMBASSADORS by Henry James
TENDER IS THE NIGHT by F. Scott Fitzgerald
THE STUDS LONIGAN TRILOGY by James T. Farrell
THE GOOD SOLDIER by Ford Madox Ford
ANIMAL FARM by George Orwell
THE GOLDEN BOWL by Henry James
SISTER CARRIE by Theodore Dreiser
A HANDFUL OF DUST by Evelyn Waugh
AS I LAY DYING by William Faulkner
ALL THE KING’S MEN by Robert Penn Warren
THE BRIDGE OF SAN LUIS REY by Thornton Wilder
HOWARDS END by E.M. Forster
GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN by James Baldwin
THE HEART OF THE MATTER by Graham Greene
LORD OF THE FLIES by William Golding
DELIVERANCE by James Dickey
A DANCE TO THE MUSIC OF TIME (series) by Anthony Powell
POINT COUNTER POINT by Aldous Huxley
THE SUN ALSO RISES by Ernest Hemingway
THE SECRET AGENT by Joseph Conrad
NOSTROMO by Joseph Conrad
THE RAINBOW by D.H. Lawrence
WOMEN IN LOVE by D.H. Lawrence
TROPIC OF CANCER by Henry Miller
THE NAKED AND THE DEAD by Norman Mailer
PORTNOY’S COMPLAINT by Philip Roth
PALE FIRE by Vladimir Nabokov
LIGHT IN AUGUST by William Faulkner
ON THE ROAD by Jack Kerouac
THE MALTESE FALCON by Dashiell Hammett
PARADE’S END by Ford Madox Ford
THE AGE OF INNOCENCE by Edith Wharton
ZULEIKA DOBSON by Max Beerbohm
THE MOVIEGOER by Walker Percy
DEATH COMES FOR THE ARCHBISHOP by Willa Cather
FROM HERE TO ETERNITY by James Jones
THE WAPSHOT CHRONICLES by John Cheever
THE CATCHER IN THE RYE by J.D. Salinger
A CLOCKWORK ORANGE by Anthony Burgess
OF HUMAN BONDAGE by W. Somerset Maugham
HEART OF DARKNESS by Joseph Conrad
MAIN STREET by Sinclair Lewis
THE HOUSE OF MIRTH by Edith Wharton
THE ALEXANDRIA QUARTET by Lawrence Durell
A HIGH WIND IN JAMAICA by Richard Hughes
A HOUSE FOR MR BISWAS by V.S. Naipaul
THE DAY OF THE LOCUST by Nathanael West
A FAREWELL TO ARMS by Ernest Hemingway
SCOOP by Evelyn Waugh
THE PRIME OF MISS JEAN BRODIE by Muriel Spark
FINNEGANS WAKE by James Joyce
KIM by Rudyard Kipling
A ROOM WITH A VIEW by E.M. Forster
BRIDESHEAD REVISITED by Evelyn Waugh
THE ADVENTURES OF AUGIE MARCH by Saul Bellow
ANGLE OF REPOSE by Wallace Stegner
A BEND IN THE RIVER by V.S. Naipaul
THE DEATH OF THE HEART by Elizabeth Bowen
LORD JIM by Joseph Conrad
RAGTIME by E.L. Doctorow
THE OLD WIVES’ TALE by Arnold Bennett
THE CALL OF THE WILD by Jack London
LOVING by Henry Green
MIDNIGHT’S CHILDREN by Salman Rushdie
TOBACCO ROAD by Erskine Caldwell
IRONWEED by William Kennedy
THE MAGUS by John Fowles
WIDE SARGASSO SEA by Jean Rhys
UNDER THE NET by Iris Murdoch
SOPHIE’S CHOICE by William Styron
THE SHELTERING SKY by Paul Bowles
THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE by James M. Cain
THE GINGER MAN by J.P. Donleavy
THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS by Booth Tarkington

talking 15 words in 2 seconds, can u?

2011-07-24T17:34:00.004+08:00

do you like a debater??

i dont.

hahaha. i know, being a debater is one of very crucial part especially for someone who got that ambition to become a political leader or lawyer! ahaks! oh thanks god, that are none on my ambition list!

i used to attend the debate competition in my old dearest college of kyuem. they talked about economics, government, private sector and housing real estates, etc. i came to support my house garnet. and there were hijaz, saf, and cant remember the other person.

when hijaz was talking, (he was the best speaker of the year for the debate competition..im sure hes one of national debater..) i couldnt grab what he was saying..,.even a sentence!!! wht?? hes so damn furious fast!

and lastly, i end up just clapping my hand when other people clap their hand, or when he increase his volume and end up referring question that the opposition couldnt answer. and i guess i didnt absorb even a single of information being said by the speaker! (and wasted 1 hour sitting in the hall, of course) haha. but big clap garnetrons. i like that spirit. i hope you will get into cambridge med school. u got talent man.

but i dont think he will apply that uni. is it just me that think cambridge med school is sooo great?

when i think about it again, actually, ive been into debate before, during my secondary school. HAHAHA! that was so hilarious! it was during my old school. the topic is quite funny. more about personal topic rather than ky punye economic sume tu. and it was in arabic! gah. so funny weh. we got this debate competition every friday night, held by ustaz ......errmmmmmm....the sudanese ustaz im so sorry i cant remember his name! and the other debate in BM class. but all that was history.

oh on the other hand, thats the conclusion of today's post, not fond of debate!

evolution that will end

2011-07-24T14:31:00.010+08:00

i cannot believe myself that im approaching 21 years od in the next year.

im growing up. time has flies really fast i didnt notice it running ahead of me. if time is a man, it must have been laughing at me, watching me crawling, trying to crawl out of the remaining of the egg i just break to get out. im still trying to get out of the scrambled egg shells of my life, but time has run real fast. i want it to wait for me, so we can walk side by side, to harvest the future together. but it refuse to do so.

of all 20 years before, ive had endured my life. things happen. bad things. happy things. i make awful lots of mistakes. sometimes, i think about why have i done that mistake? is it escapable? would it still do that mistake if things werent occuring that way?

sometimes i get mad over someone else for my own mistake. these are supposed to be their fault. not mine.

sometimes, i just become a spectator of my life. watching how i progressed with my life. watchng from afar. thinking about, what have i done?

mistakes. even after countless times of doing mistakes, i know, i will repeat it again, i will still repeat it again and again over the future. because the fact is, eventhough i thought that i will learn from the past, but when the same option comes again, i will still choose the thing that ive done before. its all about making a PERFECT decision.

i went to a crowd. and see interaction occur between the human being. human being, long ago, there was nothing to govern human except, the law of nature. you hunt, you get the meat. you plant, you harvest the wheat. you fish, you eat it. if you are strong, you can kill people less stronger than you. basic theory of darwin. survival of the fittest. theory of evolution.

but now, things have changed. poor people get a free shelter from government. stronger people can control everyone. more stronger people control the strong people. disabled person get a free treatment from donation from public. sick people get medicine. bright people manipulate less bright people. less bright people go to tuition. stupid and weak people can kill stronger people using weapon. things become more complex. complicated. people interact with each other to seek popularity, sense of acceptance from other people of the same species.

i admire this evolution. people with awful lots of money can kill hundreds of innocent people and still not being caught because of his influence and power. in this world, sometimes you just have to see injustice using one eye. even how desperate you want to change how things work, that is just the law of nature. the law that keep developing. the law as a result of the past history.

you can choose what character you want. just a mere spectator. a hero. a victim. a leader. the choice lay just right in front of you. but of course, genetic combination will do a great of influence to your choice.

after all, we all have to go back to our Creator. this is just a game between life and death, happy and sad ending.

what matters is just the ending.

nobel novels

2011-07-24T12:28:00.004+08:00

im on a real vacation. finished reading another endless grisham story books in 2 days.

haha. maybe after i finish all grisham's book, i can get a degree in law instead of MD. lawl.

so as expexted of grisham, the end usually will reveal LOTS of secret what that and this happen. gah. hes so great! hes a masterpiece, man! how can he plot everything to puzzles, and put back everything into piece in such expected,but awesome way?

maybe i will write some novel after i got my md degree, a detective novel like this, like you grisham!.

the book i read 'The Pelican Brief''. one thing about grisham story, the hero or anyone involved in the story will always HAVE SO MUCH POWER AND MONEY!!! lawyer working in a big lawyer building. that it created something of admire in your mind.

and lastly, one of the lawyer killed himself because afraid of convicted of conspiracy in the courtroom.

why why why. maybe if i have another life, i will be a lawyer. looks fun. or is it really fun like in the novel? where everything is expected. every risk taken is under the control of the writer.

will it be the same as in the reality of this world?

2011-07-23T18:56:00.001+08:00

somethg i watch everyday! haha

nina!

2011-07-22T09:05:00.001+08:00

im so IN LOVE WITH NINA!!!

everyday i spent 2 hours watching back all her video..

i cant stop it.

this is like a funny addiction. watching other people's live, and you feel happy about it.

the heart asks pleasure first

2011-07-21T20:24:00.001+08:00

one of my favourite XDXD

definition of justice

2011-07-21T17:51:00.004+08:00

wah. after about 1 month holidaying, now i sense the feel of freedom and emptiness in my daily schedule to keep me at my maximum rate of productivity.

what else i want to do during my holiday?

im thinking about doing voluntary work but im afraid that im not going to like the place that i will have to sleep there, and miss my bed. ahhh. spoiled brat you little girl! oh, no. big girl! LOL. haha.

then another thought of learning to sew or knitting. but dont think will give me any benefit as it demands seriously LOTS of time. (haaaa...bagi alasan padahal malas begerak!)

now now now. lets just forget about it. i have just finished reading 'The Fifth Vial' by Michael Palmer. about organ transplant and trading illegal organ.

since i have nothing to do most of the time, i finished reading this book in 3 days. not impressive enough eh? but to me, its quite impressive since the story is quite boring and melancholy and no really interesting climax over there. sorry mr palmer, not fan of yours. might as well read another book of yours before i make the conclusion that YOU ARE NOT A GOOD writer to me. heh.

so the climax mostly about how the plan to rescue a hostage, which sounds SOOO FICTIONAL and not itneresting at all. yes, mr palmer couldnt really deliver the story as to make the reader really indulge and involved in the scene. he really made me feel like im reading a story book, a fictional story created by him.

its about organ transplant. inspired by philosopher PLATO, from his Plato Republic book. where he classified people using the caste system. while in this book, there are 3 types of people, The Guardian -elite people, The Producer-farmer, school teacher..so on.. and The Auxiliarry which is the lowest part of the group. so in the name of justice, producer and auxillliary group must provide the guardian their organ if they need. so, it is right to take organ from these 2 group to be given to the guardian. (by 'right', that means they can take the organ without telling the owner of the organ at all)

ahah. what that sounds to you? is that justice?

let us see it in this way.

Guardian people they are the one who 'own this world'. they give more productivity to the world, the make the world alive, bring benefit to other people, contributing to the society. they are those scientist, economics, prince, king, healers, business man and all those rich people. they work. they provide. and if their organ fail, they deserve another organ from the other 2 group to replace the old organ.

while the auxiliary, people who take drugs, umemployed, spent most of their life being drunken to the max, people who dont really contribute anything to this world.

the question is, what right of those 'secret-council' who decide which of whom lead a non-efficient life and who contributed more to the society?

who decide? why he has the power to decide? what makes him assistant of god?

and why those people who so-called producer deserve a second organ just because they make more money in their life?

lets view it in this way.

you have a bread in your hand.

you are walking in a street filled with beggars, markets, and people walking to buy things.

you give that bread to a beggar. and now, is that mean you have the right to take the passersby bread out of nowhere and using force?

yes. it does not make any real sense. thanks to technology now they are making organs...BUNCHES of organs using stem cell. but still, illegal organ trade is still happening A LOT in black market. people who give their kidney for money.
is that their right to give up kidney like that?

this is what they call, a crime with no victim.

but of course, certain questions in this world, they are just no one can give a definite, correct answer that will satisfy everyone.

diving deep in the ocean!

2011-07-19T00:17:00.003+08:00

i have just coming back from a diving trip in tioman.

it was a super new splendid activity for me.

hu2. takot weh first2.

i imagined myself dying below the ocean, with no oxygen left in my body. but at last, alhamdulillah, i managed to enjoy the view below the ocean.

it was superb.

sebelum ni bila aku naik bot ke ape ke..tengok lautan yang terbentang luas, i was wondering what is happening below the blue ocean...what it looks like beneath?

and now, alhamdulillah, Allah let me see one of the most BEAUTIFUL creatures of HIM!

hidupan bawah laut sangat indah! subhanallah!!

ada banyak sangat coral yang bermacam2 bentuk..ada yang bentuk macam otak..neurone yang bewarna warni..ada macam2 pokok yang bewarna warni..ada warna purple..warna hijau warna oren,pink,biru...

dan subhanaalllah!!! banyakk gilerrr ikan yang berbagai2 bentuk dan perangai!

haha. ikan ada perangai jugak okay. ada satu ikan ni..besar gila..aku tengok laa dia kat rumah dia..lama2..pastu dia macam jelir lidah..jollor kan mata dia suruh aku belah kowt..

tapi diving ni memang sangat2 mencabar laaa!!

kene bawak tank tu..and just imagine...riding a boat to the middle of ocean and just lompat dr boat dan menyelam ke dasar laut..

sometimes,problem do rise...

ada sekali tu aku tengah menyelam ngan kawan aku..tengah shiok2 tangkap gambar dengan turtle berenang..tetiba perut aku memulas dalam laut 18 m kebawah weh!!

rasa macam nak termuntahhhhhh. takkan nak muntah 18 m bawah laut kan? giler kot. telan air masin laa jawabnye. aku ape lagi.......berenang cepat2 naik atas and tak sempat nak bagitahu diorg aku naik..

so dah naik atas tu..aku pon muntah balik semua roti canai aku makan pagi tadi.. SEMUA wehh..hahaha..takda pon ikan datang makan roti tu..LOL. but,,ala..ade ke orang nak marah aku muntah merata2 dalam laut? ikan ke nak marah? haha.

then aku tengok tepi2 kiri kanan...makkk aii..KOSONG WEH!! im alone in the middle of the ocean!!! and i dont have any clue where the rest of my friends were!!

aku pon pakai laa mask tu...tengok2 kat bawah laut tu...takde orang..all i can see is blueeee...blue water..and nothing else..takkan aku nak pergi menyelam balik cari diorang kan?? mana nak carik?? laut tu besar giler kowttttt.

tapi last2 aku pon jumpa laa diorang balik..haha.

waktu tu tengah2 laut tu beralun gila...pening weh. rasa macam tercampak2.

but the most awesome thing..i get to see what is in deepn of the ocean..and thats what matter..

aku rasa macam..LIFE IS TOO BEAUTIFUL to be sad about.

bila aku ingat balik ''bandaraya ikan'' kat bawah laut tu...entahla aku rasa macam happy.

sebenarnya ada jee makhluk2 lain kat bawah laut tu yang hidup dalam satu komuniti..

love u ikan!

pasni boleh laa try diving kat UK lak!!!! hahaa.

BTN

2011-07-15T14:51:00.003+08:00

i have just came back from BTN.

btn ni memang best giler. kalau bagi rating dari 1 sampai 10...10 paling best..aku bagi 11 terus!

5 hari rasa macam 1 hari je doh.

it open my mind about lots of things. yang penting aku dah tak bias lagi!

aku tak akan buat keputusan or decide something tanpa tengok betul2.

dulu post2 aku pasal bersih tu memang bias giler. aku nampak sendiri yang aku amat berpihak kepada belah 'sana' just because aku terikut2.

sekarang aku rasa politik tu sendiri kotor.

and semua orang yang main politik memang akan main kotor.

so, BN ke pakatan rakyat ke...

sama je.

kalau bg pakatan rakyat pon..macam laa diorang akan banteras rasuah.

its useless.

u just have to choose the dirtier party from the dirtiest!

but BTN rocks. korg gi laa btn. memang best giler. macam dilyana cam puteri raja.

this is not a sindiran or anything. its real, man.

in btn..u feel like..you are in high school.. tapi high school ni memang best. sebab semua orang tak act macam budak2. everyone is matured.

waktu btn ni...total peserta ada 107 orang..

terdiri dari 4 univerisiti atau kolej..

1)KYUEM budak mara medic

2)budak first year medic..yang nak fly gi jordan september ni (unikl)

3)budak medic yang nak fly ke india.

4)budak jpa yang nak fly ke nottingham, uk.

i met with lots of cool friends!

chopin

2011-07-10T00:29:00.001+08:00

wow. amazing song really. XD love chopin. love dorian gray! hahaha. im addicterd to this song! cannot past the day without it!

mad dog or trying to retain peace?

2011-07-09T19:00:00.007+08:00

i should say, WOW to approximately 50k malaysian people who gather at KL today. that was an incredible act.

you know, it is not easy to go to KL. despite all the media saying u will get arrest if u go to bersih..tv 3,,,utusan...and all those media mass showing parang meant to bring to bersih to terrify people, still, 50k is such a BIG NUMBER! imagine, with all the roadblock around kl (trust me, you cannot get into KL unless you are there early in the morning, or yesterday..with all those public transportaion and police everywhere..its really hard man!), they are still there to show to the world, they reject a corruption!

well, you will say its a small number compared to 27m population in malaysia. HAHA. but dont be stupid. you are smart enough not to count people in sarawak and sabah..people in kedah..children..old people to join the rally right? and plus the village people who only see tv3 and subscribe to UTUSAN and saying.... ''org bersih buat huru hara''. man i really dont like people who say something without any knowledge on the matter!

the thing is more than obvious.

WHY should a powerful government, or at least, claimed to be a powerful government who has been govern malaysia for ovver 47 years has to be scared to a peacefull rally that only wants a free and fair election??

be rational. why najib didnt update his tweeter today? why he didnt want to agree to the proposals of a fair election? or at least considering it? maybe not all, but at least, still considering the proposal.

the proposal would not doing any harm. it is just guna kan dakwat kekal, hapuskan corruption...and why IS THAT SO HARD FOR GOVERNMENT to fulfill the proposal??

its so obvious the reason. any 7 year old children can think about the answer./

yes, because they are scared.

scared people do something outrageous and irrational.

police shooting innocent people. spreading pemedih mata. water tank. hurting people with baton without a concrete reason. arresting the leaders of the rally. is this a day for police to release their tension in head? or a day to show their power to rakyat on a tv screen? or to exercisied their training for several years to real human being without being charged?

why why?

police are there TO PROTECT public from any kind of violence but now they are doing the violence themselves. these people are the one whos paying their salary every month. is that how you use the tax payers money? by beating them like a mad dog?

police... you are here to protect us. not to be the dog of the government.

dont you guyz feel guilty og shooting people..? they are just there to submit a proposal and because freedom of speech!

when people are scared, they going to do anything to protect their position, pride and powers.

that is nature of human being, i guess?

Kuala Selangor MP Dr Dzulkefly Ahmad said today's events showed that whatever integrity that the police had was in shambles over the way they uphold the law.

“The peaceful assembly ended with violence by police, despite that what is brought by Bersih 2.0 is for all the rakyat and is wise to be implemented before the general election,” he said.

rally rally

2011-07-09T11:51:00.006+08:00

hahaha. this is growing more funnier than ever.

the police roadblocks all over kl is so overacting and ridiculous.

while there is a need for police presence during the rally, but these amoung of police for such a peacefully rally sounds quite hilarious. its like people who go to the rally is criminal.

police must be presence to ensure a peaceful rally. but these kind of police, they just arrest all people who are in kl to go to the rally.

people who wear yellow shirt. doing these mass arrest like this just make them look scared and terrified of something that wouldnt do anything to them except more coverage from media tonight.

aaaah. theres no doubt, the government is just as scared as a kitten losing its mom

http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/169375

'one person, one vote, one value'

but on the other angle of my life,,got to cancel my diving class just because my dumb sister who didnt want to hear my advice when i told her not to go to sunway because i just came back from sunway like 5 minutes ago and theres police everyway and YOU GONNA STUCK IN THERE!

but she didnt hear me.

its okay if you stuck there the whole of your life.

but having to cancel my 1k class just because of you is nonsense. when you do something, dont just think about yourself! think about hot it might affect other people.

she caused a distress in me. but yeah, not more than 5 minutes. why should i troubled my head because u got stuck in there and i have to cancel my awesome plan?

life oh life. how much you want your life to be independent of other people, but its still impossible. we r just bornt to be dependent on other people.

luckily i have my little angel here, ainul.

i miss my future.

i miss to experience my future carrier. carrier of living with drugs, medicine, and needles.

whoah. another less than one month, minus btn, ive only got 3 weeks to indulge myself with leisure.